A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 4 years now to my husband, our life has been good, and we often socialise with friends.However, recently, for the past few months, my husband's sex drive has been on the wane.We went to the doctor, and the doctor said there was no medical reason why he wasn't able to have sex.However, I found out the reason one day whilst it was my day off work and he was out at work - Asian pornography.There were hundreds and hundreds of magazines with"HOT ASIAN GUYS" in them, some showing off their penises, others with them nude/in swimshorts etc.The computer had hundreds of pictures of them too (in JPG format).When he came in from work, I sat down with him and asked him why, and he just insisted Asian porn got him hot and wet.I feel disgusted by this, and wonder if he is really gay/bisexual etc.This is causing me stress, I need help!He just insists he has the right to view Asian porn as much as he wants.What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): he is watching gay porn and feels that it is his right to "get off" on this. what is his real sexual orientation?
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Hold up. I think you need to talk to him calmly without really accusing him of anything. It might be the case that the fact he isn't having sex with you and the gay porn is totally unrelated. Maybe you guys need to spice up the sex life? Pornography serves as a way to fantasize about something a person might never do in reality. Such as teen porn, not every guy who watches it actually goes out and has sex with a teenager, right? So your husband might just be using this gay porn as an outlet for a fantasy of his and nothing more. This is an issue that you will have to tackle separately. Maybe ask if he actually wants to have sex with another man in the most non-confrontational way possible. Though I highly doubt he has gone through four years of marriage pretending to be straight for your sake.
Another issue that you are going to have to discuss is your own personal sex lives. Maybe put effort into attempting some one on one time in between the sheets? Spice it up a bit? Make him feel comfortable expressing himself. If you aren't interested in making things better, at least pretend you care what he really feels, that way you can decide if you want to leave him or not. At least you can get the truth out of him before making a decision. So just remember that pornography can sometimes just serve as a fantasy outlet. I definitely watch some porn that I have no interest in actually doing in actuality. Maybe it's the same for him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): Well sweetheart, i do believe that he may have some underlying homosexual feelings. Otherwise, he would not watch porn that is meant to turn on a gay male. Try getting to the real root of his feelings about the porn he watches, maybe he has a fantasy, it's normal for men and women to want to try something new, you approaching him from a perspective of disgust will only make him watch the porn and more and feel low about himself. Ask him if you can help share the sexual experiences with him that he wants to act out or feel, without resorting to porn. And if he doesn't want to include you in his sexual desires, try a therapist. If you love your husband and if he loves you, you will find common ground. Don't give up and remember why you married each other, the sex is a gift in the marriage; not the core of it.
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