A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need some help on how to deal with somebody who has mood swings. There's this girl who I have feelings for. She has also told me she has feelings for me. She also keeps telling me how nice I am to her and how great I am for dealing with her mood swings. The problem is that she would get these mood swings that would last a couple days to a week. While on these swings, she would be extremely depressed, ignores me, and generally acts like she hates me. I told her how it was hurting me and she said she was very sorry and she doesn't mean to. She has also said that she recognizes that she has mood swings and that's not who she really is and that I make her really happy for standing by her side when no one would. So I'd feel really guilty if I left her. How would I go about dealing with her depression spells? I get really hurt while she's on them but she's a great person when she's happy (although that is rare).
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Or maybe this is just her personality and you didn't realize it until you became more involved?....Is there a time when you recall that she wasn't like this? (And don't say at the beginning of the relationship because for the first few months of any relationship you never show the 'real you' to the man you love.) When I first became involved with my current b/f I had this illusion about him because he was such a cutie. But his personality was quite harsh at times because of his upbringing. At times he can be sweet and wonderful, but when he's under pressure his mood changes like the wind. He snaps at me, becomes snarly and uses a hateful tone of voice. I finally figured out that it's just how he is and I had to step back and decide if there was more good about him, than bad. I'd say in my relationship he's wonderful 70% of the time and moody and horrible about 30%. Your percentages may be different. So think about it carefully. Then you'll know if you want to be with someone who's like this. Some women are just bitchy by nature. Good luck.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (10 August 2009):
Yeah, birth control pills can do it. But it seems like there might be some underlying issue if her mood swings are really THAT bad. Perhaps she does have a disorder, or maybe her body doesn't agree with the type of birth control pill that she is taking. She could try to experiment with different types of pills so that maybe it will keep her hormones at a more steady level so she doesn't have so many ups and downs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice! But I should have mentioned that she had already seen a doctor. They ran many tests with no results and she hasn't been to a psychologist yet. I have suggested it but she gets upset whenever I do, so I stopped. We think it's the birth control pills she went on to control her irregular periods. But she has to be on them for 2 more months, and maybe even longer. How can I talk to her about her mood? She just says it's nothing she can control and that she's really sorry. But if she can't do anything about it, then I guess I would still stand by her through this, even though it hurts when she's moody.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (10 August 2009):
She may need to be on medicine to control her bi-polar symptoms. You should help her get treatment.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 August 2009):
Does she do anything to help herself? You can stand by her side for only so long when you're constantly getting put down and feel like you're being treated like crap.
If she's having these on again, off again mood swings and it's affecting her life, she REALLY needs to go see a doctor. Otherwise, she's going to be driving people away from her for the rest of her life, including you. It's a touchy subject and you don't want to bring it up to her and end up offending her. But I think you should suggest it, and let her know that it's because you really care about her and think that it will make your relationship go a lot smoother. If she's unwilling to seek help, then that's when you have to make a decision, if you should stay or go.
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