A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 15 years and have a 12 year old daughter. On October 1, 2008 my husband told me that he was confused about everything, including our relationship. He asked for help to go to counseling. We started immediatly. Since (2 weeks) then he has opened up to me and told me about his painful childhood which I already knew but thought it didn't bother him. He also has been under trememdous stress with his job (mortgage industry). He said that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and something is missing in our marriage. He also said he is not loving anyone including himself. I swears there is no one else. He is going through a bit of mid life crises also. We are sleeping in the same bed and we don't fight and our household has always been and still is peaceful. He is only openin up to me and the counselor. I am trying to be a friend but this is difficult for me. Can someone please help me. Can our marriage be saved? What is wrong with him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to give everyone an update to our situation and see if you can offer any advice. We have been going to individual and couples counseling. My husband seems to be trying harder and recently said is problem is that he is disconnected from everyone.
A few weeks ago we had an arguement and I asked him to leave. After several hours he said he didn't want to leave or make the mistake of losing me. We haven't argued since then and we sleep in the same bed.
I did tell him that I support his feelings and this transition. Do you think he might need meds or a psychiatric evaluation?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Encourage him to take some time out on his own (preferably a sport or active hobbie) to relieve some stress and be supportive of the time he will need in between counselling to reflect. I agree with the other posts to simply be there for him and be loving - I think he will get through this and I suspect as he has already intimated that his problems are as much to do with his own perception of himself as with your relationship. Less pressure is best but perhaps try and consider doing small things differently just to keep the interest alive - suggest lunch out when you don't normally take it or just get breakfast in bed (no expectations just a loving gesture). It may feel like a brickwall but he could be feeling depressed from the stress in which case some feelings are numb.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): If he's not loving himself, then your unconditional love can carry him through this time..it's very important for him to go through the emotions/feelings right now...hopefully, when he breaks out of it and sees the sun, he will look at you and love you back...put him on your prayer chain at church if you can
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): yes your marriage can be saved, jsut be patient and dont expect it to be perfect immidiately!
Keep going to councilling and just make sure your husband knows you are there for him and that he doesnt need to hide from you.
Give him the love he needs, but in a way that he doenst feel suffocated.
Good luck, keep faith and you will pull through this together!
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