A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband received a christmas card from a woman he used to work with many years ago.She said she wanted to meet up with him for old times sake.When I questioned this, he admiitted that he had a fling with her 2 years into our marriage when I was expecting our 2nd child which was 20 years ago.I am shocked with this revelation.The reason he told me was he was frightened she would tell me as she had made contact with him in the past at work which he ignored.The fling was short lived and he said it was a time when we werent getting on too well, he said I was very moody with him which I know I was. I suffered badly with pregnancies.We have had a happy marriage and he says he never strayed after that.I believe him but I feel so hurt over this betrayal. He has been a good Dad and Husband. He is very upset seeing how this has hurt me.How can I cope with this.It keeps going around my head.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Auntie Jez +, writes (5 February 2009):
This is truely horrible for you...on the one hand it was 20 years ago...but on the other he had a fling and has lied for 20 years. Luckily he seems sensible enough to realise how upset you will be.He seems (apart from this fling) to be an honest guy and it is quite common for a man to have an affair when his wife has small children as they are not getting all the attention any more. ( childish I know but that is the way some men react)If you genuinely beleive that he is not a serial cheater and you want to stay with him then you must talk to a professional about this and get it out of your system. You have been with him all this time and it seems a shame to throw it away. Go and see marriage guidance with him or on your own to talk about it and find ways to rebuild your trust. You can do it but it will take effort by both of you.Good luck I hope it all goes well for you both
A
male
reader, Leonardo  +, writes (5 February 2009):
Most wives are lucky to hear bad news like, "I met a girl 20 years ago". He sounds like a perfect husband to me. Read some of the other posts on this forum and you will realize just how lucky you really are. What if he said, "I re-met the girl I have truly loved all of my life... my sole mate .. and this time I am not going to loose her. Life is short and I don't want to make the same mistake I did last time!"HA, then you can write this forum with a real tear-jerking story.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (5 February 2009):
 well i would be devastated but at the end of the day the past is in the past...if he hasnt done it since and he wont do it again then i think in your situation its easy to forgive. at the time i would have said leave him but after 20years i think you are strong enough to overcome this. i know it must be so hard to get over it, and his excuse of you being moody whilst pregnant is not a very good one, all women get moody but most men keep it in there pants! the worst thing that you can do is have repetative thoughts about this! dont let your mind think of every little detail. tell your husband that you want to talk and then before you talk organise your thoughts, feelings and questions you have. you cant move on from something if you still have unresolved issues. keep me updated, i hope i have helped. x
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