A
female
age
30-35,
*tsbeeexo
writes:Hi everyone, I've been pretty confused lately about my situation at hand and I am in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years(since the 8th grade!) and we are both freshman at college and even though we don't go to the same school, we are able to see each other about every three weeks. We've had a wonderful relationship with no major problems, we even won cutest couple in high school! I was his first girlfriend and he was my first boyfriend. We were insanely in love and definitely saw a future for us. My friends and family loved and adored him as he was the sweetest boy who truly was in love with me. Over Christmas Break, when we were home from college, I found out from his best friend/college roomate that he had been cheating on me. It lasted from the beginning of November to before Thanksgiving break when he felt so guilty and upset that he broke it off. They only hooked up, but it's all i think about and I can't get the horrible images of them together out of my mind. I confronted him about this and he broke down and sobbed and told me the truth. I was shocked at this news, since it is something so completely out of character for him. I was devastated that he did this, however, even more so that he didn't come clean about it. He told me he didn't want to tell me because he knew it would hurt me and he never wanted to do it and that it meant absolutely nothing. He doesn't have an excuse for his behavior, however, he said that as an explanation, it may have been a little bit of curiosity that led him to these mistakes. Still, I'm heartbroken that he couldn't have just stopped once after hooking up with this girl and realized that what he was doing was a mistake and he had done it a few more times after. He takes full responsibility for his actions and knows he is in the wrong and is willing to do anything to change his ways and restore our relationship and will wait as long as it takes for it to happen. In theory, I have always believed that I would never take back a guy if he cheated on me, yet when it comes down to it, I just don't know if it's worth throwing away everything we had built and our relationship over mistakes that he has acknowledged and is trying to fix. I love him more than anything, and I know he loves me too. Do you think I should take him back and work on restoring our relationship to how it once was? If so, any thoughts or ideas on how we can accomplish this? Thanks everyone 3
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female
reader, itsbeeexo +, writes (10 January 2010):
itsbeeexo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your advice. We have been talking about the underlying issues that led to these incidents all week. He's willing to do anything to get us back to the way we were and knows it is going to take a lot of time. I've have had days where i want it to work out, then times when i get so angry and fired up about it. It's exhausting having such bipolar mood swings about it. I'm going back to college in a few days so we are going to see how he handles that in regards to trying really hard and not giving up.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 January 2010):
My feelings are the same as yours about him cheating more than once with her. He could have stopped it. However, his reaction suggests that he is truly sorry about all this, and it does sound like you both love each other. Normally I'd say don't bother, but this time I think it would be a shame to give up just yet. You need to take it very slowly again, and he really needs to work VERY hard to regain your trust. If you can do that, then this could work out. If, however, he ever cheats again, dump him.
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