A
male
age
36-40,
*ickandthemachine
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me this week and it's being so hard to get over the whole situation for me because it ended up in really hurtful terms, he seemed like he didn't care hurting my feelings, he broke my heart in pieces, but after all that he calmed down and he told me he was gonna text me in a couple of days to see how I was doing, but he said if I text you dont think that I love you or that I want you back, that was kinda cruel, he made me feel that I was never important to him, I really can't deal with what i'm feeling now, thats not the only thing I'm gay i came out to my mom and she's didnt take it well, plus im all alone at my house since my parents went on vacation, they're so different now since I told them about me being gay, they dont even call me to see how im doing, so all of this is affecting me in many ways, but the heartache is the most hurtful thing for a person to experience, i feel so empty after giving my all to this guy I still love, he was so rude many times to me, but love blind us, and we only see the good qualities of the person, now he's maybe talking to another guy and just the idea makes me feel really depressed we shared so many things, i used to see him every single weekend and now what's left? nothing but pieces of a good heart thats been broken, what should I do with all this feelings I still have towards him, I just wish I could call him, text him how I'm feeling, I really dont know what to do :'(
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female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (5 August 2009):
Hi there,
I have read the other posts and it touches my heart at how strangers in their humanity can show love to one another.
Your ex boyfriend is cruel, uncaring and has no integrity. A breakup with someone you love who does it in the kindest possible way can be hard enough yet someone who puts the boot in and has no empathy is an emotionally abusive person that needs to be out of your life.
I know this is hard, yet face it head on and feel it all, so you can remind yourself about your gonna feel if you continue to have contact.
Of you can't stop the contact right now, don't worry about that either, if you do have contact so be it, I wouldn't put yourself down about it. Believe it or not, each time he does this to you, you will become stronger and stronger until one day, you will have the strength to keep him out of your life for good.
I suggest you stay away if you can because if you don't, you will only delay how you are feeling now, so it's really up to you, either you want to face these feelings now or latter. I personally would take the plunge and face it now and how I would do that is by turning all of my hurt and anger into determination. I would contact him by email if possible and tell him in a calm controlled way what you think of his integrity and say how you deserve much much better. The reason for this, is so you can take some of your power and dignity back. By keeping contact, you are losing your dignity and self respect and this would be part of your depression.
You sound as if you are in a lot of pain at present and I'm here to tell ya that pain won't kill ya and it will eventually go. Your depression should lift within a month and you will become stronger every day.
I also want to say that there are huge huge blessings for you amongst all of this pain, it's just that you can't see that at the moment because you are down.
Some of the most challending and hurtful times in my life have had the biggest blessings and after it is over I am so thankful as they gave me something I couldn't have received any other way. The pain is a break through to the real you and you will gain clarity and confidence in the end, You will also learn how to spot a better partner and will love a lot deeper than you ever have without all of the crap you've copped with this current one.
I think you also need to remember that you have faced one of the most courageous things a person could face in their life by telling your Mother who you really are. So many people hide this and many other things while living a double life. The suffer much pain, suffering and so much shame about who they are and fear of being judged and rejected. You obviously accept yourself for who you are and have stood tall in the world being real to yourself, so my friend congratuations, you no longer betraying yourself. You be proud of yourself with your head held high, I'm pleased to chat to you on here and there are many other people I could be replying to, yet I'm spending my time right now on you because you deserve it.
In regards to your Mother, she has rejected you too so you are feeling 2 rejections, so please be gentle on yourself. Your Mum has her own issues about difference and sexuality and I would imagine likes to fit in with the Jones', but really if you have a look at her, she probable doesn't accept difference in a range of ways in her life and that is because she doesn't accept herself. Unbeknowns to you, and her, in the long run, you are giving her the biggest gift of all, you are teaching her how to be real, showing her that difference is ok, showing her how to accept herself and not worry about what others think of her and you are doing this simply by being true to yourself and coming out in the open about your sexuality. I would be proud if you were my son. Your Mum has taken this personally as if she did something wrong with the way she parented you and she fears what others will think yet as I said before, she probably worries about what other people think of her in a range of other ways in her life. She seeks approval of others because she doesn't approve of herself and that's the gift I think will come from all of this. You will bless your Mum in ways that no other could.
It would be wise of you to not take your Mum's reaction personally, this is about her not you. You must see through this. This is not your issue to take on, it is hers, let her sort through it and before long, you and your Mum will have a closer stronger relationship. Trust me on this, you have mountains of great life ahead of you yet for now, in this moment you need to learn ways to cope with your feelings of rejection, pain and hurt. This too is part of living and part of being alive.
As one post said, we are here for you. Grimreality was spot on when he/she said you need to be true to yourself and that YOU are the only one in your life you can trust - Very wise words. In regards to the therpay, you don't need it, there is nothing wrong with you, it's just that it can be a tool you can use to assist you to deal with the feelings and move through this a bit quicker, same as using this site.
Feel those unwanted scary heart breaking feelings, really they won't kill you, they'll just make you cry and feel like crap for a while yet when you are through them, I guarantee that you'll feel better than you have ever felt in a long while.
Good luck and please be gentle with yourself.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 July 2009):
 Hey honey, I'm so sorry that your mom isn't taking this well. I hope that she will come around eventually but it will take time...it sucks but it's true...in the meantime *hug**hug**hug* and please keep putting one foot in front of the other. The pain will pass a little bit more each day.
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A
male
reader, rickandthemachine +, writes (4 July 2009):
rickandthemachine is verified as being by the original poster of the question she said why didnt I tell her before she couldve done something to "fix me", all she says is that in the "world" i am in, its only aids and other stds, she said she never thought i was guy, she said i should've tried with girls and all that, now that shes on vacation she barely talk to me on the phone, her tone of voice is just so different it hurts everytime i talk to her, so i had to tell my dad please if shes gonna talk to me that way i prefer not to talk to her :( ive always had a good relationship with my mom, but as i had a lot of problems with my ex bf i changed a lot too, i spent all the weekends at his house sleeping over and all that, i left everything for him and look at me now, im the one who is really broken and messed up now, it sucks that he probably doesn't care about me after all the love and attention i dedicated to him :(
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (4 July 2009):
 I'm so sorry for your pain.
Love DOES blind us, but I'm an objective third party.
I say he's a jerk, and you need to avoid hurtful people like the swine flu. Don't let him get you down, you sound like a nice, decent guy and you deserve someone who will treat you right. This guy is bad news, and there are nice, decent guys out there. It sucks that you're hurting, but you ARE better off without this loser.
I wouldn't call him. I know you love him, and it takes time for true love to fade, but you can't really move on until you distance yourself from him.
I know it sucks.
You came out to your mom? What exactly did she say?
I know that this may be painful to talk about, but you may talk to us about it, if you want, we will listen to you!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 July 2009):
 Hey my man,Just take a deep breath. You've had a hell of a past few days. gay or straight, we have all had our hearts broken at one point or another in our lives.Yeah I can also understand that you feel pretty used the way your Ex came off by the way he told you not to expect anything but he would text you. That is just selfish disrespectful behavior regardless, and I just want you to know that no one deserves to be left hanging like that. Its like he wanted to drive the knife into you a little deeper with the quip about seeing if you were ok.Simply put, he does not love you, and now you can look forward to experiencing things with someone who will hopefully respect you. You are young. I suggest you eliminate all traces of him. delete the phone number, any mementos get rid of. You can have your good memories, but it is way to raw to you to keep them around right now. even if you want to just shelve them for a time and not destroy them. But beware that you dont break down and call him or something. He has given you the course to take, which is away from him. Be the better man and move forward.as far as your mom's reaction, Im very sorry. even in this supposed enlightened era it is still hard for many to accept. Remember that she will always be your mother no matter what. I am sure whe was shocked, but in the near future I think maybe you should try to communicate with her as to her feelings and yours.And while you are at it, maybe I would suggest some type of therapy for yourself.Although I am straight, I am sure breaking up and coming out to your mother has been a very traumatic experience to you, given her reaction so take care of yourself first. I am sure there are online resources for support groups for those that have just come out.At any rate, grieve if you feel you need to, and for as long as you feel you need to. just remember that you really have only yourself in this life you can trust, so always be true to yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): im not gay but i had a similar boyfriend to yours so i understand that part of your pain, i think you should wait till your parents get back, talk to them about what happend apologize if you caused any upset about your sexuality and maybe they'l comfort you and make you feel slightly better. my advice for you ex would be dont text him or try to contact him, acting not bothered attracts men, if your crying and depressed he'l either get back with you purely from pitty and it wont work OR it will make him think your sad and pathetic. confidence is key, if you look happy and act like you dont care and show him what hes missing out on, get a friend to invite you both and a few other friends out to a night out and flirt with other people, but not too much, just enough to get him thinking things threw. personaly if you do plan this night out do it in a week or 2 after the dust has settled about the break up. and if your just wanting to get over him, get out there have some fun make most out of your life and come back home and get a few whitney housten songs on and cry it all out, i hope things get easier for you, your story is sad your clearly so heartbroken and i know how that feels, xx
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