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female
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*iggieschick
writes: I got home from work last night and i was trying to find a wed site i was at the other day, so I went into the "history" part of the computer and found that my husband signed up for adultfriendfinder.com and alt.com, is he thinking about cheating on me has he already? i don't know what to do or how to aproach the situation, i just know that my heart hit the floor when i saw the profiles! What Do I Do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 Hold on higgieschick! I've been in this situation before so you need to figure out how to approach this... and there is a few ways to do so. Some men are merely curious is they CAN get anyone not actually getting someone. So lets not assume everything right away... but if you want to get to the bottom then be clear in what he is doing.
He's obviously not very astute on the computer so this is easy to find out if he is truly cheating. You can download a free keylogger (google keylogger) it copyies keystrokes so you can see what he's writing to these women! Asking him about it is highly unsatisfying. Being in this exact situation of finding my mate had been on adult friend finder i can honestly say a cheater will lie anyway!!!! And then he will learn to cover his tracks, his guard will be up and you may never know. Cheating is serious... you especially don't want him to come home with a number of std's to give you!!! So set up a sting of sorts, create your own account with fake pictures (make sure its not someone famous, or too pretty just a decent looking woman thats his type, and add him. Set up a meeting and see if he actually shows up. If he does there is your answer!
I know lots of people will say its wrong but sometimes you have to get to the bottom of something... if he is so careless as to leave it on the history its not as if you were looking for trouble...it came to you. So do something about it!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2006): well! I'll be troubled too, but before confronting him you need to gather facts like some couples find it normal to have the male spouses checkout pornographic material just as long as they dont go ahead and do something stupid, maybe he was just checking out. then again in this case its looking for a sex partner which suggests flirting if he wasnt going to go ahead with it or worse of cheating. So there is an element of intension and temptation involved..Talk to him nicely, inform him on how the incident has made you feal, get to the bottom of the origination of these behaviours. has he been acting strangely? How is the sex? good luck
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 October 2006):
 As him about it. When you do, try to be as calm as possible. Don't accuse him of anything. You don't want him to get defensive (which will be his initial reaction), you want the honest truth. Ideally wait until both of you are in a good mood, but also don't wait too long as having this hanging over you must be awful.
It is very possible that he was just doing this for what I'd call a 'fantasy' reason. That he had no intention of acting on this, but rather he has just signed up as part of a fantasy of anonymous or casual sex. Many people flirt with the idea of these sites without going through with anything. Don't automatically assume that because he signed up he was going to go through with anything. It's very possible that he wasn't gonig to.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (26 October 2006):
FYI aunts & uncles, google Adult Friend Finder and you'll see it is the "largest online sex community." Don't be misled by the name - he wasn't looking for his mates..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): maybe he was looking for his matessss...jus speak to him...plzdnt jump the gun..he wud have deleted it frm the history bit if he had nything to hide...jus ask him wat it is x x freind x x
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (25 October 2006):
 Hey,
well, first of all, before anyone can answet his problem, we need to know all the facts. Has he been acting strangely around you? Maybe he was looking on it for a friend? I wouldn't jump to conclusions, that's how fights start. Think of reasons why he would cheat on you - IF that is, he is. Don't beat yourself up about any of this, IF he does end up cheating on you than it's his loss. If he can't see how good he has it already, he must be ill or something. If he's sad enough to cheat on you, you deserve so much better! Just be aware of it but don't let it eat you up from the inside, maybe discuss it with one of your close friends who will, hopefully, understand and keep it to themselves so you have someone to talk to if needs be. Let things play out, gather all the facts together and when you're 100% that something, if anything, is going on, confront him. Don't yell, that's how fights also start, just sit down together and talk it out.
Hope this helped and good luck! :)
Phoebe xxXxx
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