A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey just wanted some advice! I feel like i dont get respected from people and i do give respect 2 other people and i always do my best to treat people well and keep them happy! At the same time when i talk to people i find it difficult to keep a good conversation going and be myself, i feel like I'm getting depressed and I feel like no one really cares, for example i organised my 21st birthday thing yesterday, i asked about 20 people to come and then onli 11 people came for the meal i organised and only a few came out to go clubbing, it was my 21st!I tried so hard to think positve and try make the most of it cuz you're only 21 once! however i feel that when it's other people's birthdays or anything i always put in a 100% effort to be there or try and make sure everyone is having a good time e.g cracking jokes. I also keep comparing my life to other peoples and feel like their lives are soo much better! i know i should appreciate everything im my life but still I feel like unwanted and unrespected and just that life's a bitch.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): I am right beside you...well i was. I have thankfully mainy recovered from it. I was younger and am younger but my time was rough heres a breif explanation.
8th grade i had a great body was happy in 7th and with my friends all turned to hell. I was givena back brace a day one that was to be worn 22 hours a day and i had to wear baggy teeshirts I was miserable I went into servere depression. The only way I saw people could lookat me was by putting my love out there and respect and wanting to help and felt no one wanted it.
The year was tough but I pushed through and it has some out nicely.....11 people isnt bad I know its a bummer but hopefully those were some of your closest. As I have gone on the closest friends are the ones that matter. Try to find something to do that you can have a teacher for. I was in ballet and was miserable after my 6th year as I felt i was neglected and left. I moved to horseback riding and it has turned out i have a gift for it and my teacher is more then supporting i am one of her top students now(something i could never imagine) You just have to move on the smaller things that mean more are what are worth it. To my birthday parties I only have 10 people and for the past 2 years haven't even had a paarty jut hung out with close friends. It seems like a trap nothing can work but try something else to focus on and in time youll break out.
I am also a poor conversationst too but with the help of a close friend who was very socia i started to meet new people and am still to this day(3 years after) still working there but ive improved I wish you all the best remember try not to compare to others and make your life the best it can be by choosing what you want to do and keep the close friends by you.
A
female
reader, goodlistener +, writes (7 June 2007):
It sounds like you blame yourself for quite abit. I had the same problem it felt like i just could not be bothered to hold a conversation, just felt like sitting there and stare into space. Anyway, i went down to my doctor (thinking he was going to just shake me off) but he told me i had depression. He gave me some tablets and in a few months they started to really help, but you must be willing to help yourself too. My advice is when you are ready go see your doctor. Maybe you might just be going through a down period where you will be ok soon, but take care of yourself.Good luck honey x.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Hi there!
11, wow, that is not bad! That is quite a lot! I never had a birthday party with so many people, so I changed day, asked again and so on…
I once felt like you – very lonely. I never had a lot of friends. Like you, I kept comparing my life to other peoples life and feel like their lifes were so much better! But slowly it changed – I changed! We were only three other girls at our class and one of them was very, very honest to me and told me everything and everytime I did “wrong” and how I could react differently. She really was a great help. So I started to watch other people – very popular ones and very unpopular people – just everyone. I watched them and realised what people like and what not, how to react in a good way or in a bad way. I also read books about how to make friends – and especially how to stay friends with other people. And there are good books about EQ (which is the IQ for social living and stands for emotional intelligence). I learned a lot and the most important thing I have learnt was: HOW TO BE MYSELF without wearing a mask and always try to be a different person, but still, also I am I, there are not nice sites of myself. So I work on my personality and try to change what needs to be changed and try to accept what I know, it just is part of me.
Today I have 3 very, very good longtime-friends I can discuss everything and share my innermost thoughts and a lot of colleagues/friends I can meet for lunch or spend some time on the weekend and have fun.
Remember: it is not important how many friends you have got. It is better to have 2 very, very good friends instead of a lot of friends you can just have fun with. Friends you have just fun with, will not be there when you have problems…
Be patient and believe in yourself! You seem to be a very nice person and I’m sure you will find a friend you can trust!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): 11 out of 21 is not a bad turn out. That's over half. When you invite anyone to anything, you should assume that at the most half of them will show up. Most people will find excuses to just not be bothered to do things. Some people just don't like going out too, especially clubbing. Don't feel bad about that, and you know most people look at other's live's & think they are so much happier. It's like the thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side. Life is a bitch sometimes, just suck it up and find out what makes you happy & what you want out of life, & do get it.
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