A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Where do I go from here after hes messed around again?I've been with my daughters father for nearly four years, in that time we have split up a few times because of his imaturity and due to me finding texts to others girls in his phone. while we were apart he started seeing someone else, i was pregnant and so confused i begged him to come back for the baby and my other 2 kids he has been raising as his own. he came back and swore he wouldnt mess around again but within weeks he had met a girl who he had met for a drink when we were apart, thing is he had just sent me home because i wasnt drinking due to the pregnancy and invited this girl round to his mates for a drink. nothing happened the girl told me this after i confronted her, she assumed he was single. Yet again i took him back because i loved him and wanted it to work. I thought things were going well, we had our daughter who is 4 months old now and i have just found a number again in his phone,after confonting him he denyed knowing who it was so i text it pretending i was him and it was a girl asking where he was and if he was 'there with her!' meaning me. he denyed knowing who she was and ran from the house and has only been in touch a few times to see if he can see our daughter, i have told him to stay away because i am so angry and hurt and cant bear to see him. Him and this girl are denying anything has happened, he is still adament he doesnt know her but when she thought it was him texting she was agreeing to meet him behind her boyfriends back. i know this is so complicated my head is in bits were to go from here. we were due to go on vacation in a couple of months but i dont know what to do can somebody give me some advice please my head says leave as its not the first time but my heart says i love him still x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): Your "heart" has a real habit of falling for the people who will give you genetically-ideal children. It doesn't particularly care whether you enjoy your own life, as long as the kids come out healthy & ideal-gened.
Your head is more likely to actually have your happiness in mind.
You'll fall in love with the people you allow yourself the chance to fall in love with. That's what happens whether they are the "right" people or not.
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (14 October 2007):
 Well, Heart has its reasons that Head cannot understand.. But for Ur sake, listen to ur Head!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): I just wrote a reply to your first question and then just noticed the second about the vacation. Can you get your money back? I would do that and take the kids only somewhere closer to home that might be fun. Did you pay for the whole vacation? He doesn't deserve to go at all! Another option could be to find a friend that would want to pay the balance and go with you all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Think about your daughter, do you want to teach her to go through all of the stress and heartache you're going through? I'm sure you love your kids very much, love yourself just as much and know that you don't deserve to be treated that way. Work on knowing that every single day, and you'll come across much better men in the future. Stop settling for less than what you're worth, the drama is not worth it. It's not easy being a single mom, I know because I've been doing it for six years. I'm not settling for anything less than what my son and I deserve. It's not easy but I am also the product of a single mom that was with someone that I didn't care for and it not only ruined most of my teen years, it affected me up into my thirties. I'm not putting my son through that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Thank you all for your kind advice, i needed to know i was doing the right thing, it does hurt like hell and i know it will pass, just right now i have so much to deal with over the children its so confusing at times.
Does anyone have any advice about the vacation? i have paid 2800 towards it and it still has 1500 to be paid which he said he'd pay as i cant afford no more, should i still go on the holiday with him just as kinda friends or cut him clear altogether its a 3 week break in europe? i know we wont get back together, i know he has no respect for me or the kids to cheat but this holiday was a xmas present from us to the kids, i dont know if i could A.) cope for 3 weeks alone with 3 kids in a foreign country or B.) afford to pay the rest or walk from the vacation as i have used all my xmas savings to pay for it.
Thanks for all your advice its good to have help to see things more clearly x
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Listen to your head...always.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 You need to dump this guy and find someone else to share your life with, someone who will love your kids and treat you with respect. This man has a problem with committment and fidelity! He may even be a sex addict, and that's why he's constantly hooking up with other women, even though he always gets caught, and always swears he'll stop, but like any junkie, he cannot. He's never going to change unless he goes through years of counseling and even then, he may not. Now it's time for you to quit tying yourself to this emotional torture and end it once and for all. It's also setting a bad example for your kids to see his behavior and think it's normal. Don't go back to him this time, you deserve so much more and honestly, do you really enjoy living like this? I think not!
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A
female
reader, isolated  +, writes (26 September 2007):
Reading your problem is like someone has read my mind and put it on paper. I know exactly how you feel but the fact of the matter is that this man will never change you have caught him out and there is no reasonable explanation from him. It may feel like you cant be without him but be strong for your childrens sake you dont waant your daughters thinking that this is acceptable way for a man to treat a woman. I wont lie its hard as hell, i am struggling after leaving my partner but believe me you will soon realise how much better life is without all the hurt and disappointment.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (26 September 2007):
 love is the most powerful emotion but you nede to follow your head on this account and don't stay just for the sake of your children. you don't trust him and i don't blame you, even insinuating you're single when you have a family is wrong and he needs to grow up and take responsibilites for his children but you can do alot better for yourself. someone who wil appreciate you.
best of luck
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