A
female
age
,
*or
writes:Is it possible for a forty something year old women to successfully date two different men? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 Because I think alot of women secretly want a bad-boy, but they settle on a good-guy thinking that he's the best choice for them. Sometimes he is. It all depends on the woman, and what she truly wants out of life. But if you're struggling this much going into the game, you're going to get bored very quickly and end the relationship, or be tempted to have an affair with someone that represents the one who really excited you in the first place. We've all crushed the heart of a nice guy at some point in our lives, and left him wondering how we could ever leave when he was so wonderful to us, always taking good care of us, going the extra mile, being thoughtful and romantic -- what every woman wants, right? The trick is not to find a good-guy, there's no challenge in that, but to find a bad boy who is "moldable", now that's exciting. Because afterall, we do love a bit of a challenge, now don't we? When are they ever going to figure this out about us? Just be true to yourself. That's my advise.
A
female
reader, lor +, writes (27 September 2007):
lor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBasschick, You got it right on!!!! I did the pros and con list 10 months ago. However, the one who had a few more cons has had changes in his life (such as having more free time due to changing his work schedule, kids leaving for college...). The exciting one is the one I gave up the first time and as you can imagine he is the one that is still in my thoughts.
How did you know that was how they were divided, (exciting and dependable)?
Thanks to all who have written. This is my first experience with this sight and believe me it has really helped......
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (27 September 2007):
 That is why you date both of them UNTIL you know for sure which one you would want to committ too.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 September 2007):
Sit down and make a pro-con list on each one. Maybe the answer will hit you. My guess is, one feels safe and "comfortable" and you know he'll always treat you right....but the other one feels a little more exciting, stimulating but perhaps you're not sure he can be trusted.....Am I right?
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A
female
reader, lor +, writes (27 September 2007):
lor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it doesn't feel right(seeing both) but, I am not sure which one I want. I picked between them once before 10 months ago and all the while I was with one, I was still thinking of the other. So, I felt as if there was something still there. I am really struggling with how to decide which one is the right one?
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (26 September 2007):
As long as you have not promised monogamy and they are aware you date more than one person at a time, then yes, it is possible. Just be honest about the situation, and keep all the details to yourself to protect everyones repuations.
This is based on the assumption that you plan to do this honestly and ethically.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Any woman at any age can date two men but...I think dating two people at once can never be done successfully unless there is a clear understanding on everyone's part. Does one guy know about the other, here? If so, you have my blessings...carry on and have a blast. Just don't expect either one of these men to want 'exclusivity' with you. Most people want to date people that don't date others at the same time. There are respect and trust issues that come forward..that hare hard to shake off. If they don't know about each other, then you are doing something very inappropriate and unfair to the men involved. In effect you are lying and your behaviors are who you really are. And there are always natural consequences to lying and some will eventually get hurt. At your age..a specific amount of maturity and integrity should be adhere to when dating. Tell yourself, you are not a hurtful person and regain some integrity within yourself and choose the one you want to date, exclusively and stick to that. Choose the one that you love and can see a future with.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 it is if you have not made either of these relationships exclusive. if you have then no its not ok. in a situation like this one person is always going to get hurt and it could be you so you need to think about wat you want and try not to string these 2 men along for too long
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Hello Lor,
Only if you are in open relationships with both of them and they know that you are dating other people. As long as everyone is free to date who they like, when they like, and are okay with that style of dating, then it should be okay.
I know of a few people who have done this and really liked it. But I know of a few people who have had open relationships and either felt like they were used or felt dirty after a while.
Just make sure that everyone is comfortable with seeing others. If you end up not liking the situation, you can either decide to date one of them exclusively (if he feels the same) or you can just move on from the both of them and start fresh so there are no weird feelings (if you end up feeling gross).
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (26 September 2007):
Sure as long as neither of them think you're exclusive, you can date as many as you want. Men have been doing it since the dawn of time. But if you've been in a serious relationship with either of them, then dating someone else behind his back would just be bad behavior and terribly wrong. And P.S. they will eventually find out anyhow so figure out which one means the most to you, and pursue that one. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Why do you want to date two men anyway? You cannot put 100% into each one, so why do there? How can you love two men at the same time, impossible. Anyway i think it would be cruel, why should they share you. You will be left a lonely old person without the deep love and understanding of one good man.
take care and be careful.
xx
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (26 September 2007):
 you could be twenty something but the answer still remains the same - no, it's unfair, unkind and just wrong to date two men or even think about it.
athough at forty something, you'd have thought you'd have enough life experience to know better.someone would end up hurt, and more likely than not it won't be you.
do the right thing.
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