A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok,i need some help please.I realy love this one guy and he loves me 2.We'v been friends for 2yrs almost 3, and were about to start dating.But im starting to think that this wont be what I thought itd be....for either of us.He's starting to be really bossy and possesive with me and just not how he usually is and its driving me crazy,i just cant stand it.I dont know if he thinks he can do that now cause were gonna be together probably...idk.Im even wondering if its the past him i fell in love with,ya know?And then plus theres the problem that i have more of a mental attraction for him and barely a physical one.I know thats bad but its true.And whats worse is he thinks im just so amazing,and so innocent,like he can control me cause he thinks i wont say anything to him about it.Gosh!!! I care about him so much but.....theres so many doubts.When he asks me to be his girl( and i already know frm a friend he will)im probably going to say yes anyway and give it a chance.But what if im wasting our time and when its over it screws us up so bad,we cant be friends anymore?Please,I need help with this so bad!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 February 2009):
 Sounds to me like you were in love with the idea of being with him as much as him for the person he actually is. You almost confirm this when you say that you are more 'mentally' than physically attracted to him.
People are different when they assume different roles and different sides become apparent in those different roles. So, a partner is not a friend and a friend who becomes a partner will start to behave differently not because they suddenly become a different person but because different sides come out.
He could be controlling and possessive because he is insecure in himself especially if he is a similar age that explanation becomes likely. However, of course, the other explanation has already been given that he is just naturally this way and you never saw it before because as has been said now in his eyes you are 'his'.
It sounds to me like you are not prepared to deal with how he is either way so I have to be totally honest and say I cant see any way this can end well for either of you and your friendship. I'd stay away...good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009): Sounds to me you like you have enough doubts to be worried, so if a friend were to say to you the same thing, you would say no. Wait. Ok so why do you feel like this for him - if it isn't physical? Do you mean emotional when you mean mental? or do you really like the size of his brain? The bossy part I think is from two things one of the things is in his mind, you are his and he is doing it to show he is in charge (in which case say look stop bossing me, I can do things for my self) or he is bossy - possessive person - in which case i would think several times before getting involved with him. Do what is right for you, there are doubts so maybe explain them to him and hold him off for a bit. If he does want you he will correct himself, then you will both be in a better place.Hugs OS.x.
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