A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i went made groceries today and when I got back home my hair was a little messy (i wear clip on extensions and these are really old and ready to be disposed of) but when i got home my husband asked why is my hair messed up which made me mad because I knew where his mind was. In the past he has accused me of cheating for random reasons like he didn't notice a cable cord in one of our rooms apparently until 2 years later and I told him it's been there we just never put a tv in there he thought i let a dude in to place it there to mess with his head so I called cox to prove to him the number of cords they set up. so anyways do I have a right to be mad that he asked me why my hair is messed up. My daughter was with me and i would never cheat on him and especially in front of our child and if i just got finished cheating knowing my hair was messed up I could've just combed it before i got back. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Your husband is a jealous bully and you need to take control. There is no point in talking to him, he will either get angry and accuse you of doing stuff, or he will cry and apologize and then do it again.
You are not a dog, your a wife, and you need to get stronger or this is how it is for the rest of your life. You know you have honor, you know you are decent, that is all that is important, you do not need to justify yourself to him.
If he doesn't trust you, there is nothing you can say or do to change his mind.
Never play into his jealousy. If he asks you why your hair is messy, explain and then just ignore him. He asks you about the TV cords, explain and then ignore him. Do not waste your time explaining things, as far as he is concerned your explanations mean you must be doing something wrong or hiding something. Do not be a doormat, learn to stand up for yourself.
I'm always late, always and then I feel guilty. I explain why I am late because I feel bad and it doesn't help because it allows people to get angry with me. I have a friend who is always late, but they never explain, they never apologize, they just get on with things. Nobody ever gets angry with them.
You need to get strong, you don't owe him your soul. As long as you are worried about what he thinks and feels, (not matter how silly it is) you will face accusations of adultery and he will get angry.
You don't reward bad behavior. If a dog is pissing on the floor, then why do you want to kiss and cuddle him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all this is the girl that wrote this question very good insight I do think that I need to sit down and talk to him about his random accusations because I can't go on living like this. I'm so nervous around him because I don't know who I am going to get when he gets home. It's making me resent marrying him because I never do anything wrong and I'm constantly being accused of things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): He either has a guilty conscience, like others have suggested, or he is very insecure and paranoid he will lose you so he is on alert to find proof that you are cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): Something always makes me worry in cases like this... Often times people who are all up in arms like that do so because they themselves have a guilty conscience.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 November 2011):
 so your husband did NOT accuse you of cheating outright?
he asked why your hair was messy and you just assume that he's accusing you of cheating?
Are you being abused? emotionally? or mentally??? sounds to me like he's beating down your self-esteem and accusing you of cheating to do so.
do you have a right to be mad? you have every right to have your feelings at any time. feelings are personal and as such should never be right or wrong. What you do with them is a different story...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2011): Listen, It's not you, it's him. Sometimes when someone is feeling guilty about something they start accusing their significant other of doing the same thing. He's obviously dealing with some insecurities and it's being taken out on you by his lack of trust. This can be a serious and damaging problem to any relationship. You need sit him down and have a talk with him about what's causing all these uncalled for accusations. This has been going on for so long...it's not getting solved...try to nip it in the ass before it gets any worse.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (8 November 2011):
 He seems to be very insecure about himself here. I hope he also at least lets it go easily but I think he needs a good talking to. Explain to him that these accusations are out of line and he shouldn't be making them if he truly trusted you. There has to be some deeper reason in him that is making him think like this. Reassure him that you love him and will always be faithful to him but you can't take him accusing you like this all the time.
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