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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi,i am in this 11months relationship with this guy, and he asked me for engagement after 6 months that we have been together. Now i am living with him in the counrty side, away from the city and away from all my friends. He won't let me go out along to clubs unless he comes with me. I feel so trapped and when i try to talk to him, we end up in a huge fight. He is very sensitive more than me,and he told me that he is like that because of his ex-girlfriend,she cheated on him. He also threaten to kill himself when i tried to leave him,i called the cops on him twice and i feel like if i decided to leave him i might have to leave my city and move somewhere else,please help me
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male
reader, juttandmeff  +, writes (4 May 2006):
I'm completely with the other answers here. Do you want to spend the rest of your life only doing what he permits you to do? How about the rest of your life paying for his ex-girlfriend's mistakes? No, it doesn't sound quite so enchanting phrased like that.
OK, so he's threatened to kill himself if you go: emotional blackmail at its nastiest. So go, and tell him good luck: if he does do anything, it's really, really not your fault. He's a grown up (allegedly) and responsible for his own actions.
Will you have to leave your city? Probably not, although it may not be pleasant for a while if you stay. Just persevere, and call the police if necessary. If you're in the UK, having called them twice previously, it shouldn't be difficult to prove harassment and gain an injunction.
One word of caution, though. If you say you're going to go, then go, and don't go back rregardless of what he says or does. If you return, he'll think he's won by his actions, and you may never be free of him.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 May 2006):
 Run from this man. If you think he controls you now, wait til you marry./ It will be worse. It will just make things more complicated. You can't control people in life. Youre already tired of it, why go further. Is he going tolive the rest of his life based on what his ex did? Also, why should you pay the price for what she did?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): Er, please tell me your not going to ruin your life by marrying this guy. You will be totally unhappy for the rest of your life and no-one deserves that. You do need to move somewhere else i think, and I would try to make sure your boyfriend gets some psychological help for his anger and insecurity, he really sounds like it would benefit him. It sounds from what you've written that you care about him but that spark of new love has sadly died and the realities of real life have set in. If you tried to leave him, you obviously know this yourself and a relationship based on doubts is one that is ultimately doomed to fail. I would only continue the relationship if he gets some psychological help to deal with his problems as it is not a man of sound mind who threatens to kill himself when someone walks out the door.
Good luck to you.
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