A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my guy have lived together for 8 years and he is almost the perfect guy he supports me and my children, we have never spent the night apart if he is not working we are spending time together.My problem is that he has not divorced his wife am I just wasting my time?
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female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (17 July 2007):
Maybe he thinks it doesn’t matter. Maybe he just hasn’t got round to doing something that will be stressful. I doubt that he is still in love with her, as from your question it is obvious that he is very happy with you. You do need to sort this out for all sorts of legal reasons as well as emotional ones. His wife is still legally his next of kin for instance. If he was to fall ill or die, it would leave you in a very tricky position. You need to ask him why. After this many years you have the right to ask.
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Have you asked him why he has not divorced his wife yet, maybe it's because it can be expensive and stressful, maybe they just want to wait until one of them has decided they want to marry someone else.
Like you say you have never spent a night apart so you are obviously very close, so just ask him why.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (17 July 2007):
 very strange you need perhaps to give a bit more info?1year maybe 2 but 8 years? no way.is he trying to keep some bond together with his ex? you say that he spends all available time with you perhaps to convince yourself that he can be trusted? what would you feel if he spent time away? would you still trust him? you need to talk about this with him.let us know how you get on and good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 July 2007):
 I can understand people not wanting to remarry again, but still wanting to be in a loving relationship (which you obviously think you are)Marriage doesn't equate happiness, but him still being married to someone else is obviously a thorn in your side. You don't say if you have discussed this with him, but its high time you formulated some kind of deal to get this sorted out. Maybe he is worried about the financial side of things?, maybe he genuinely doesn't know how to proceed. The only way to find out is to ask him and then try to assist him in some way. Try to find some legal advice for him and work out a finance plan if need be. Let him know that you will support him through the process, but that it absolutely MUST begin soon. He is your man, but someone else still wears his colours.Be calm, be direct and be insistent. Enough is enough!!!Aunty Em x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 July 2007):
 For crying out loud, why the heck has he not divorced his wife? Why are you allowing this? This is nuts. What kind of example are giving your children? I don't get it.
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