A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i hope somebody can shed light on my situation...I have been seeing a guy 4 8 months, we dont live together, he lives 60 miles away from me, we are in love like truly, but he always tells me how i shouldnt ring him in work and how i should call hi straight back after a phone call, the list goes on and on! the thing is he always tells me things i shouldnt do...so i stop doing them and then he wonders if i am ok or am in a huff or something...But he tells me he is only saying things things to improve our relationship and thats fair enough like,but when he tells me these things i feel like ive let him down or that i am really bad, and the thing is he never seems to do anything wrong...and i feel if i tell him hes done sumthing wrong he will turn it around that i have or he will say "you're always annoyed".This is really getting to me because i find myself crying now wen i come of the phone to him like crying my eyes out literally,I hope someone can give me some advice..thanks x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you,
but the thing is he tells me i am in control...and i am the boss...
x
A
female
reader, His girl +, writes (17 December 2008):
The first thing to do is to tell your boyfriend how his behaviour is making you feel. i find if i have a problem that i need to discuss with my man and i need time to think about what i am going to say and more importantly, how i'm going to say it, i use an email. This is a good way to work through any problems because it gives you the time you need to think about how you feel without just reacting to what he's said. It is also good because it takes the emotion out of the situation. It does sound to me like he has all the control in this relationship. Now this is not always a bad thing, IF, and it is a big IF, you have willingly given over this control to him. But if he is just taking it with asking for your consent to do that, then that is wrong, that is bullying. He sounds as if he is being totally inconsistant with his requests/demands, and that is the worst part of it. You dont know how to please him from one day to the next so your whole life is in limbo. This man is making you feel bad about yourself, he has no respect for you or your feelings which you are totally allowed to have. You are allowed to feel upset when he treats you like this and do not let him or anyone else say otherwise. You are very early on in this relationship, you need to think that if he willing to treat you like this now, how do you think he will treat you in another six months? You are a good girl and you need to keep thinking that. I know it's hard, but my advice would be to get out of this 'relationship' before he has any more time to get rid of your self-respect altogether. I hope this has helped. His girl
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A
female
reader, batfink +, writes (17 December 2008):
Sorry to say this but have you wondered whether this man already has a partner? It does sound like he's trying to avoid being caught out to me. Any of the other agony aunts of the same opinion?
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A
female
reader, Butterfly.Pretty  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I know I am not very old or anything like that, but i feel that maybe he is unhappy with where he is at with his life. And now he is striving for perfection in your relationship,which he is not finding although it is not your fault...
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