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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone, so this situation is going to sound kind of crazy. There's this guy who I've been friends with for about 2 years. At this point, we spend a lot of time together, keep in contact on a daily basis, and share a lot of personal information with eachother in general. I would go as far as to say that this guy knows more about me than any other friend in my life. We have hooked up once, but it didn't change our friendship. We kept hanging out and talking just as much as before. I will admit, when I first met this guy, I had the hugest crush on him, he kind of has this reputation as a player but I'm so used to having close friendships with guys that I'm don't really mind a guy being honest with me about hookups and stuff like that. So this guy and I pretty much share everything and I have gotten the vibe that there may be some feeling on his end too but I'm never sure. Here is the big issue, I found out from a mutual friend of ours that this guy is actually in a relationship and is very close to having a baby. When I first confronted him about it I asked him to be honest with me as a friend and he denied that any of that was true. I took his word for a little bit but still felt suspicious because that's a weird thing to lie about. However, I got further confirmation that he is in a relationship and having a baby because a mutual friend showed me pictures from the baby shower.At this point I really don't know how to address the situation with my friend. He swore up and down that none of that was true. What's hard to understand is that this whole time he's continued to be a good friend to me (outside of the lie.) He listens to my problems and seems to genuinely care how I'm doing pretty much daily. But why tell this huge of a lie? It seems so crazy to lie about having a child. I guess I just need advice on why he would lie like that and where to go from here.Also, should I confront him again letting him know that I know the truth? How should I even go about confronting him?Sorry for the long story, but I appreciate the advice in advance!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2017):
 No you don't need to confront him, he doesn't need to tell you if he has a girlfriend or a baby on the way. However him lying about it does show he has a hiding agenda with you. It seems he doesn't want to tell you for a reason, and the only reason I can see is that he is thinking with his dick and not his head. Believe me he is not a real friend, yes he may care about you or want to be more intimate with you, but you need to stay away! He has a girlfriend and a baby on the way and if he is lying to you, no doubt he is lying to her as well. He sounds like bad news, I think you would be better staying well clear.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 October 2017):
 You are not a part of that piece of his life. If you really WERE his REALLY good friend he would have made sure you got to know his GF so SHE also knew who you were and that you are JUST a friend.
Seems like he is compartmentalizing his life. You are the girl he likes to chat with but who ISN'T a greater part of his life, though he is a greater part of yours.
So you have to ask yourself WHY would he keep the knowledge of a GF and a kid from someone he calls a friend? Who does that?
What kind of motives does he have?
And why would you need to "confront" him? Maybe he feels the GF and kid in none of your business. While you two have shared a lot of personal things with each other, you are not entitled to know EVERYTHING that is going on in his life, IF he doesn't want to share.
My question is to YOU - are you still hoping there is more going on than a friendship?
Why invest SO my time and energy into this guy who is obviously NOT available?
In the 2 years, you have known him have YOU dated someone else? If not, why not?
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (18 October 2017):
 Can I just add that my mum's friend of 11 years turned out to stitch her up big time. And my sister has known a lot of male friends that she gushed about how "lovely" and "funny" and such great family men they were.. about three of these men she thought she knew turned out as cheaters, sometimes with her. I've had my own experiences too.
Not saying you shouldn't ever trust people but it's rare you really truly know someone- and always keep your eyes open to people- don't make excuses for them if they do something very immoral or deceitful- because you think you know them
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (18 October 2017):
Maybe you're so used to having many guy friends, and seeing them as just friends, you forget that great proportion of young blokes often think with their dicks and have a playboy mentality- no matter how nice they are or seem, it's a well known saying that 9 out of 10 male friends wan2 sleep with their lady friend.
Kindof like those kids or tribal people that grow up with tigers.. they receive care and love- doesn't change the fact it's a wild animal that hunts and tears meat to pieces.
He may seem nice to you and I think he does like you in that way.. men don't really do daily check ins unless they're buttering you up for a lay, or they're really into you.
So trying to hide the fact that he has a girl and kid because what.. he wants to be with you? So that means he kind of wants to snub his girl and kid- ya know his primal RESPONSIBILITY.
- If you find out this is the case, just think about what that says about his character
Another possibility is that he wants to be part of the kid's life and fulfill his responsibility as a father- wants to be with you but doesn't actually love the mother, and doesn't want you to be put off by him having a kid.
The third reason is that he wants to keep it a secret for as long as and have you on the side..
It's gotta be one of the three reasons. So you DO confront him over it- ask him which one it is. And decide if he is chasing the "desert his kid" or "have his cake and eat it" option, you'll have to take thew blow that someone you thought was your friend is actually a creep
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (18 October 2017):
 Sounds like he enjoys the thrill of female attention. Not that he is obliged in anyway to divulge his personal status , given you are just friends it does seem something, Id consider, to be the norm in conversation. Perhaps he was trying to get a bit on the side before having to play Mr. Family man, which of course makes him far from being a friend and that of a cheating douche bag. I think it would be fair to say if his relationship status is being kept a secret from you, his relationship status with you is being kept secret from her. That just reeks of trouble. Sorry
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2017): Why do you need to confront him. You're not in a relationship and if he doesn't want to tell you he doesn't have to. I think he's using you a little though.
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