A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend emigrated to the other side of the world about 6 months ago and wanted me to go with him. I have visited once and am due to see him again for a couple of weeks very soon as it is a big step I want to be sure. I feel a bit concerned though. He went out there with little possessions as he didn't previously own a house. I have my own rented house and a lot of stuff - which I have saved long and hard for or which is sentimental or passed down by family. He has been very frustrated with my slow decision making about emigrating saying, after I had got back from the first visit, "Look you've been back a week what are you playing at - are you coming out here or not?" to which I said I hadn't decided. After a couple of months the arguments on the phone got worse and when I said I was trying to sort things out he shouted at me to "Just put my stuff on a shipment and get my arse out there". I found this distressing because I am sensitive and feel vulnerable as it is. However just recently as my thoughts towards going out there have got stronger, and I decided on a 2nd visit he said "Yes well maybe we can look at what is a priority for you to ship out here". He's quite keen on my sofa and my bed and asked if I was thinking about bringing my computer with me? I'm beginning to feel a bit used. To help him out first time around I took his vast CD collection (500) with me in my case - it was so heavy I hardly had a chance to pack anything for myself. One of the last things he asked me on the phone was whether I could pick up his cricket bat from his Dads (40 miles away from me) and a spare set of bed linen (which I would have to buy). When I got off the phone I just thought - hang on a minute!! He is usually a loving and tactile man but I find his approach to this really difficult - most people organise their own things when emigrating. Am I reading too much into it? Last night I lay in bed and started wondering whether I should even be going. I feel so sad as when he was in the UK we were happy - but the UK was never enough for him. Please help as I cannot think straight at all. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (1 September 2007):
 Is it possible you could rent your house out and go living with him for maybe 6-12 months? Then you can decide whether you want to stay or go back home. If you still want to stay with him you can go back and organize things with your stuff. Do you have family and friends who would like to have them? I have a friend who emigrated with her boyfriend to Australia. She wanted to go there forever, he was very unsecure. After two years they decided to move back and they got their appartment back with all the furniture. And stuff they had given to friends, they had most of it back. Because we were so happy they were back :-)I also agree with previous posters that say you must first of all think of what YOU feel like.Good luck to you!
A
male
reader, cuninglingwist  +, writes (31 August 2007):
Iv done this, the cost of shipping is not worth it!sell it turn it into cash and buy new, just take a bag of personal stuff, yours! but you have to move over seas for you, not him! you need to realy want it!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 August 2007):
 I'm with jjs. On the other side, obviously you have a lot more to lose in moving, and he should take this into consideration.
There is one thing that makes me curious. He emigrated despite the fact that you were not sure you wanted to leave. So, apparently he is not that much into you. Of course you mention he wanted you to go, but that only means he made a decision and wanted you to go with it, instead of making a decision together. That doesn't seem right.
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A
male
reader, jjs  +, writes (31 August 2007):
I think rather than worrying about your possessions you should be thinking about what this guy means to you and if you really want to give up your life in the UK to be with him. Is it worth it? Does the relationship have a chance? Will you be able to live without your family and friends?Once you have decided that, THEN begin to think about your stuff. Regarding him using you -- as a good example of a (disorganized man) I wouldn't read too much into it. I think he is just taking advantage of the fact that you are coming to get some stuff over. If you feel that strongly about it just tell him that you can't bring it over because you have your own stuff etc.. to bring over and that basically his stuff is his responsibility.So to reiterate. (1) Think about whether its worth it and whether you want to do it and (2) THEN think about moving your stuff, etc.
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