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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I lived together for two years, and have been together for nearly three. Out of nowhere, he announced that he wasn't sure it was working between us...and he moved out promptly afterward. We were intimate the night he moved out, and he mentioned potentially getting back together in a month or two. He's only been gone for a few days, but he came over last night to help me fix my computer. Only a weekend has passed since he mentioned our getting back together, but now he announces that he has someone else! We got into a huge argument and he walked out after a lot of screaming and crying. I'm still head over heels in love with the guy, and I think he's confused about his feelings for me. One day he just wants a break, the next he says he's not in love, not attracted to me, and unsure we should even be friends. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2005): Sigh...this whole thing really sounds suspicious, especially with his behaviour. It's quite likely he had this other girl on the side and he was planning to leave you for a long time. He was trying to back out of this relationship the "easy" way without being honest. As hard as it may be to accept...you are better off without him. How could you ever "trust and respect" him again...he is not the kind of guy you want to have a lasting future with.
Your relationship didn’t have a high enough level of respect and passion from him, from him to remain intact. If he had respect and love for you, he never would have left. So what are you to do? First off, drop him cold; this seems harsh but it's the right thing to do is drop him from your life. He cannot come back...ever! During this time, take time for you and get involved with positive activities: join a gym, take a class, make new friends and get out and enjoy yourself. Move on,live like you don’t need him and mean it. No contact at all...go cold turkey! It will be painful but please try..you owe to yourself. You will heal but it will take time. Seek out support and love from close friends and family. Be strong..
A
reader, pops +, writes (4 August 2005):
Say good bye to this loser. Get on with your life. Anyone who is so ignorant that he would end a relationship with someone as good to him as you have been doesn't deserve you. Take pride in yourself. Find someone else. Give thanks that you found out about him before marriage, and children complicated the issue. Breaking up is always hard to do, and you have our sympathy, but if he is having doubts, even if he is terribly mistaken, he needs to find out for himself, and not drag you along. Save yourself some grief, and nicely tell him its over. It sounds like he had his eye on someone for awhile before he announced he was leaving you. No one walks out on one relationship of that duration, and has a new girlfriend within a couple of days. Get on with your own life, and shut him out
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