A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, just alittle reassurance needer here please. My bf and i have been together for 11 months. Two months ago i foun out that he was smsing another girl and she was smsing him back (she was from his past)When i confronted him, he told me that he did it but he regretted it (as he saw how much it hurt me) and promised he would never do it again and that he would make it up to me. The next month i seen a text msgs on his phone.The number was stored under a guys name and this person was saying that "they would call him after 10", "why is he forgetting about them"etc. When i asked him about first he said that it was a guy (his friend), the next day i lied that i called the number and a girl answered, he then said ok it was a "girl" that is his friend and her name is the guys name (the name does not sound unisex to me - Brendan?!?). This month the first girl called him again to ask him where his brother is?He says he told her not to call him again and it was not his fault.My bf also tends to get really angry at times at when he is angry he raises his voice (which scares me abit). There have been times when we have been playing and if i hit him abit too hard (playfully),I see a change in his face (he gets angry) and says " im gonna smash you/bang you/crack you just now."I have spoken to him and told him that we rather not go out because i dont want to be in an abusive relationship but he says that he would never hit and that he just said that but never meant it.(He has never hit or inflicted pain on me before). Are these signs of a potentila abusive relationship? I do cry alot because he says some hurtful things and later says he is sorry.He has raised his voice at me before in front of people (my sister, his sister and my cousins) He was also vulgar with me until i told him that i dont like the way he speaks to me so he has stopped.When i tell him that we should break up, he does not take me seriously as i have told him this before but have never done so.So he thinks that i am just saying so with no meaning behind it.My parents never really agreed to our relationship at first because of a family conflict - it had nothing to do with the type of person he is. I have done so much for us to be together (i ran away from home,but now i am back home)Should i break up with this guy or should i try and speak to him and work things out?Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, Thanx Tellulah.I think i would give him one last change but i would be sure to bear in mide what you have saidRegards
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Hi,
I think if you are prepared to split up if he doesnt change, you could go along with it and give him a chance. I dont want to tell you what you should do, only you know whats in your heart. But please be carefull, and remember he has lied to you before. Of course he could surprise you and change his ways, he is still young.
Just dont take everything he says as gospel.
XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, Last night I told him that we need to speak and i asked him about that "Brendan girl" and he says that it is a guy (afterall) and the reason he did not tell me this is because this guy stays with girls and if i had phoned him then maybe one of the girls would have answered and then it would be as if he was cheating (which he claims he isnt) Right now i do believe that he is not cheating on me and he says that he would never do what he has done to me before as he regret hurting me.He says he is asking me for 1 last chance (until the end of September) and if there is no change in our relationship (for the better) then we should go our seperate ways. He told me that he is trying really hard to make iur relationship work but i am not giving him a chance. What should i do? Give him a last chance or not?
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (28 August 2007):
Hi,
I would say run as fast as you can. Not only has this guy constantly lied to you, but he is verbally abusive.
Why do you want to put up with that anyway. I understand you have feelings for him, but really this guy sounds horrid.
Surely you are worth more, and you already know he is playing around. He is getting angry and nasty because he is guilty and you keep catching him out.
Ditch him and do yourself a favour, before its to late. The name Brendan is a mans name surely. Why would he lie to you about that.
I hope you get yourself together and finish with this person.
XX
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): do me a favour and read your post to yourself. everyone deserves to be happy, that means you too!you are clearly having more bad times then good in this relationship which means it's not worth having. i just hope that you can find the courage to leave him and don't look back. i hope i have helped. and remember you deserve a lot better then that, you deserve to be happy. x
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