A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:You know, make a list and list the good and bad.The bad.My boyfriend of 4 years has stared at women in front of me, given them the elevator look--up and down, turned around and looked at them or one if we leave an establishment, with me in front of him, or looked over my shoulder at one if he is in front of me, looks at their booty if they walk by us. I see all the glances time and again, even after we have talked about this behavior and that I have requested that at least tone it down a bit out of respect for me. It seems almost an ingrained behavior.He has taken pictures of women, like at work or at public beaches. The women don't know. At work, they knew, but I feel it was more for masterbation material, which is unsettling (my gut reaction). The women at his work wouldn't know about his photo taking motives thinking it was innocent. Maybe my mind is on overdrive because may it is innocent.He has talked endlessly about a particular young attractive female at his work that got a divorce.He has told me that his last ex-girlfriend was a beautiful, beautiful woman, that she had the perfect body and that he went over every inch of her body. That when they made love it was like they were one together. That she finished his sentences. I have seen pictures of her and yes she is very beautiful and has a bright big smile. He wanted to marry her. He was deeply in love with her. She broke up with him in less than a year. It was a bad breakup.I don't know if he is still in contact with her. They are in the same business profession and he does have to go to her workplace for meetings. The opportunity is there to have coffee with her or lunch.I don't have access to his computer or phone. So I don't know if there has been any contact.The good.He treats me very well at home when there are no outside influences (other women).We have do have lot of similar interests and are on the same page in that regard. We do have fun on our vacations (if his eyes are not roaming to other women).He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and is not interested at all in sports (whether that is good or bad, I don't know). He thinks sports are a big time waster and that people are stupid to pay all that money and waste their time to go see sports or watch games on TV.He is a very hard worker and has a great job because of his strong work ethic.He does a lot of projects around the house. I don't have to ask. He just does it. He is very project oriented and goal oriented.He tells me he loves me every day.He says I am a very forgiving person. Actually, it's been a slow burn and I am smoldering inside from his actions. I've just been able to hide my feelings very well. I'm conflicted inside. I am getting anxiety attacks daily and feel I need to see a counselor.Could you forgive the bad actions and move on from them and try and see the good in a person. I replay the bad in my head all the time like a video and dwell on it so much, which is making me sick inside.
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at work, broke up, divorce, drugs, ex girlfriend, money, move on, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): Why would he even say those things about an ex? That's disgustingly disrespectful to you and your relationship, and he's always on the look out for other women??? Can't see what the appeal is to stay with this guy. If his ex is that brilliant then why are they not together? Also, if the girls on the street are that interesting why doesn't he ask them out? I wouldn't sit there and accept my partner openly gawping at other women and telling me about his ex's body, if he did then he'd have another ex pretty quickly...!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2014):
 Here is the biggest problem with his behavior.
YOU.
And I don't mean that in an offensive way. BUT when you "pretend" his behavior doesn't bother you to keep the please or "please" him, or not seem controlling - whatever reason... YOU are making him think:" Oh she is OK with this, I'm going to continue."
You really SHOULDN'T have to hide your feelings from him.
If YOU want to be with this man, you will have to do two things:
1. TALK to him. Don't fake it.
2. ACCEPT that this is who he is, loving you doesn't mean he will change.
...............................
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