A
male
age
36-40,
*emorize
writes:hey, my girlfriend and i have been dating for 3 years...on and off, but she doesnt have a sex drive anymore. nothing at all, and she gets mad at me when i hint off or tell her that im still taking interest in you, and i want you etc etcalso, on top of that about one year ago we broke up for about 3 weeks (give or take) and we both slept with someone else. starting dating again, then and there we realized how much we do love each other and had great sex but never again.she claims that its her and not me. so one night i took her out to dinner, then a movie (across the universe) after at last we played a 18 hole glow in the dark mini put together. we had great fun and then came to my house with candles and wine ready...but nothing.so is there anything i can do to get her really turned on and wanting some sex?(sorry for a long post)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Stop trying to have sex with her don't bring it up don't make stupid jokes or hints about it dont't say or do a thing. Simply ignore the topic, do that for a few months your not getting any anyway so what do you have to lose. You'll see she will get curious to why you aren't on the sexual prowl and it will arise her curiosity. I had this proble twice and I will tell you what I told them I took her aside and told her I loved her but I am young and have a strong healthy sexual appetite I don't want to keep on hold until you deside your ready to sleep with me again so I will continue our relationship but I will have safe casual sex on the side until you are ready to sleep with me again this is a hit or miss tactict but after having this conversation twice in life with two different women I was in a relationship with both times my sex problems went away quickly.From what your writing at your age your relationship seems doomed anyway. to be honest and not to hurt your feelings but you might want to explore the notion she has a friend on the side with benifits,Good Luck
A
male
reader, Memorize +, writes (5 October 2007):
Memorize is verified as being by the original poster of the question well for starters, shes not on birth contorl and the possiblity of asexual seems most best and no, i wasnt bringing her out to the movies or dinner for sex its a common thing we do just last time as a mentioned it, it was for our outting of our 3 years.
thank you everyone for the anwsers.
oh and, being IN love is when you look into your partners eyes and they just glow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): If you're taking her out for dinner and movies simply because you want her to have sex with you at the end of the night, she'll see through it and it will put her off. You're pressuring her into it, but in a sneaky way, and that's not cool.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): Hey peoriman,
You can love many people, but been in love is when there is a spark btw u
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A
female
reader, Floss  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Hi Memorize,
I agree with stina that the problem could be something as simple as birth control. However I do have to wonder is your girlfriend in love with you or just loves you, there is a difference. If she is not in love with you it could be the reason behind her lack of interest in sex. It does sound to me that you really want things to work out with your gf, I hope it does, but remember that a good sex life is an important part of having a loving relationship.Be patient and understanding with your girlfriend. Try not to put her under too much pressure. reassure her, be affectionate and loving. Tell her that you love her and everything about her, how beautiful and sexy she is too you. Be patient and understanding and im sure yee will be able to work things out. I hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Hey, you may think that I am too young to know this kind of stuff, but EVERYONE comes to me at school for sex advice. I am in a relationship of 19 months and my sex drive has gone right down. It happens to sooo many people it is ridiculous!
What you need to do is be pateint. The worst thing is when your boyfriend is trying to get you to have sex with him, it just feels like your doing it because they want it.
It may be a long time, but keep with the romantic gestures, give her a nice kiss. Let her lead it. If it goes no where, keep strong.
Light some candles, make her dinner and offer her a massage.
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A
male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Stina has a great start on things, but it may be more than that. Depression, stress, feeling too busy, all may be part of it. She may also be asexual, without knowing it. Check out http://www.asexuality.org/ (they're finally realizing that it's an orientation).
The important thing is communication. Let her know that this is important to you, and that you'd like to help her work on it. Ask her what would help.
Whatever you do, do not consider marriage until you have it worked out. I discovered I was asexual after I got married (always thought there was another reason for my lack of libido). My spouse was less than happy. It's an incompatibility that's worth talking about BEFORE you promise to never sleep with someone else.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, On Cloud9  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 There are several reasons why she has lack of sexual desire, and could be any of the following: she could be exhausted (physically or mentally). Is she generally getting enough rest? do you know if she is dealing with any issues at home or work?. She could be on medication that is affecting her libido.
It sounds like your relationship problems could also be a factor, but that is something that you need to talk about.
One positive thing is, for many women, lack of libido is only a temporary thing. Some will get over it by themselves - and a lot more can be helped by expert medical or psychosexual advice (which you can get at Relate).
wish you well
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Hey there Memorize,
Is she on any birth control by any chance? Many forms of bc are known for their terrible effects on a woman's libido. I've been on many forms of the pill, the patch and the ring - ALL of them stopped me from wanting to do ANYTHING. Since I found out that was the cause of my problem, I've stopped taking birth control. Perhaps that may be what your girlfriend needs to do. It also may take her a while to get back into the swing of things and return to being her old self.
Until then, try to hang in there. I've been in her position and it's really frustrating!! Suggest to her that she may want to speak with her doctor about at least trying another form of birth control if she doesn't want to rely on condoms alone.
Take care.
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