A
male
age
30-35,
*att2121
writes:Girlfriends past.I have seen this topic discussed elsewhere with similar situations of mine but have yet to see consistent helpful replies, I know its not anyone’s job to help me out but I was just hoping that someone could shed some light on what im going through, how they dealt with it and the reasoning behind it perhaps.Im 21 years old and my girlfriend is 20. We have been going out proper for around 9 months now and they have been some of the happiest times of my life. This is my first major relationship We recently found out that she was pregnant and although shocked we decided to keep the child and are both mutually exited.And know her past… We have been out before when I was 15 and she 14, this was a turbulent relationship for me as I was still unused to intimate relationships and was still a virgin at the time knowing that she wasn’t. It soon came about that she cheated on me… not intentionally but without any real effort to stop it. We stopped talking after this and it was only around 11 months ago that we started talking again. I have been mostly aware of her past since I have known her, she was introduced to sexual activity at a relatively young age and lost her virginity when she was 13. She also got involved in drugs and alcohol around this time too. To this day me not included she has slept with 12 other partners mostly infrequent encounters whereas I have 8. She has described to me in the past some of the people she has slept with and the places and manner in which she did so. She knows now the error of her ways and in honesty is a completely different person.As I said before the last 9 months have been amazing and I felt happier than I ever had before but over the past week, her past for some reason has reared its head and consumes every thought throughout my day. When we are together its never a problem and even when its brought up the thoughts are gone within minutes, its only when im alone such as at work or with my friends that I have the problem. I just don’t understand it, I was so happy and certain of our future and now all of a sudden its shaking everything which I thought was so rigid and perfect. I don’t have a perfect past, I have been mildly involved with drugs and done my fair share of casual sex and her past never seemed to bother me until now. I know this seems a lot and I should probably seek some counselling but I hope that someone has been through this and has any advice for how to help the situation.Thank you for taking the time to read my story and I hope someone out there can help.Matt
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (20 March 2010):
 We all are capable of making mistake and also have ability to correct our mistake. But, mistake are not crime. Volitional Sexual activity should not be treated as 'crime', but there are chances of making bad choice. One is always free to correct one's choices. When you feel, you are happy with your partner, than all matter, related with mistaken choices should not be allowed to lead your emotion, which I think is real attitude in love relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): I know what your going through. I myself have a child aas well i've been with my guy for 5 years now and sometimes when i'm alone I think about his past and it does still bother me. I think should I really trust what hes telling me? How do I know if hes really changed? But when it comes down to it I love him. Whenever I feel this way I ask for him to sit down with me and have a heart to heart talk. tell him how i'm feeling, why i'm feeling this way, sometimes I just need some reasurrence. You say that the past few months have been wonderful and you only feel this way when shes not around so why not call or text her? hear her voice tell her you love her and hear what she says to you and maybe then you'll feel better? in a relationship you're not suppose to compare how many men shes been with or how many women you've been with if you know that she is the one you wanan be with you gotta accept her flaws. Just try to remember how happy you are when you are with her and not when shes not around and you shouldn't be thinking about her past becaust its the past.
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A
female
reader, Gasolina  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 I think that this issue is coming up for you now because of the baby. You're entering a new phase of your life, where being responsible for another person takes precidence over your own needs.
The woman you are with isn't just your girlfriend any more, she is the mother of your child. Perhaps the fact that she has behaved very irresponsibly in the past makes you question her ability to step up to the plate and take on the enormous responsibilty of a mom.
Added to this is the fact that this wasn't a planned pregnancy - perhaps the two of you weren't as responsible about birth control as you could have been.
You are both very young. Are you really ready for parenthood? Are there still some things the two of you need to discuss, or lifestyle changes you need to make, in order to provide a nurturing environment for a growing little person?
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