A
male
age
41-50,
*eamie
writes:Hello there,Im think im going nuts over silly things , i fell in love this summer with an amazing girl shes 24 and Im 27. i was working as a scuba diving instructor and one of my brothers mates rang me and asked if he could bring his new girfriend down as they were just meeting a few weeks and wanted to impress her so of course I said come down and il bring ye out for drinks after. So i met them saturday morning and she was lovely. that nite i met them in the pub and we had drinks and a laugh I noticed they wernt touching all nite until they kissed and said they were heading to the b+b to sleep. anyway a few weeks past she txt me asking if she could come diving and told me she had broken up with that guy so she came down and we got on great fell totally in love and all is good we are moving in soon as she is expecting my baby in june yipppppp. Now the messyness starts here her x is my bros friend and i see him ever few weeks I stay in her house ever few nites until we get settled my problem is I cant stop imagining them together and also another guy she slept with that she lives with in her bed that we sleep in and make love in I know this sounds mad because all is great, this its so small but its eating me up when I stay there my brain goes on over load and i feel pissed off and annoyed with her ????. is it just because when im there with her my mind runs wild ...will it stop when we get a freash start in a new house together..... but im not like this at all i teach people to scuba dive im pretty relaxed over all ... can you please give me some advice on controlling my emotions im afraid my stupid paronid jealousy will ruin all i have .thanks..ps My own sexual past has been great im a goodlooking guy and never had problems with girls i couldnt even start to count all the girls ive slept with .. i guess i just dont want my girlfriend to be as dirty as me but i dont know how to talk to her about it ahhhhhhhhh help
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fell in love, jealous, sexual past Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bigbucks  +, writes (4 July 2008):
so, how is your life now?
I am going over with similar problems and it is terrible. Sometimes I just want to end this relationship, but I can't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): I'm kind of in the same situation but I am the female...my boyfriend does the same thing to me. He asks the same questions over and over again. There are times when we are having fun and and the next thing you know he is quiet and wouldn't even talk to me. He always would ask "how can you be so stupid, why that guy?, why do you have go through what you went through, why can't I have someone that has a good past, what you did is disgusting and dumb!" I admitted time and time again that what i did is wrong and i feel horrible, sometimes i don't understand why he rubs it in.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is nothing us females can do, we can't change what's in the past. We can argue a million times about it and waste precious time. There are more important things to think about like your baby, do you really want to spend even a moment of your time stressing out about something you can't change?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Bro, I've been dealing with those same uncontrollable thoughts and the feelings they generate... It's terrible, because you get swept up in them, and it's all you can see - even if it's a gorgeous day out and the sun is shining, etc. etc. And then you realize how crazy it is but you can't stop. BUT YOU (AND I) HAVE TO. Why waste another minute on it? What is real is here and now. Those things happened in the past, true, but they don't exist anymore - think about it, what are thoughts/memories actually made of? Anyway, there's a book called A NEW EARTH by Eckhart Tolle and he writes about the Pain Body, and how it feeds on negative thinking and the past. We all have one. You and I seem to share the same type. anyway, the book helps, I'm also going to talk to someone. Jealousy over the past is normal to an extent for most guys, but not to the extent we're letting it go - not if it's ruining a relationship or your happiness. Good luck man.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 We make choices and we live with them (Bill Murray, Groundhog Day).I would feel exactly the same as you if I had chosen a girl who has been -in front of my own eyes and just recently kissing and almost sleeping with a guy I know-. The night she came over with your brothers friend...you eyed her up and she probably took a good look at you. This I guess is your punishment, if i am allowed to say so...And you had enough of it. Since you love her so much and since she loves you also and the baby is on the way...I am certain in time and with the new house and bed, you will find it easier to forget about her past. Because you love her and I believe you. Do not worry anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): People will tell you all day long that you shouldn't feel this way. They will say that it's a sign of your huge ego or that you're being immature or whatever.
THEY'RE WRONG.
Your feelings are because you were born a male. That's how males are programmed to feel. Don't allow others to tell you that your feelings aren't valid or that they are a sign of your shortcomings.
Now since we've had a sexual revolution and your female partners are allowed to have other men in their lives before marriage, your feelings have become inconvenient. So as a male, that means it's your job to wake up one day and stop feelings something that was only drilled into your DNA for millions of years to keep your offspring surviving.
How do you deal with this? I don't know. The culture has no answers. Only males have to deal with this so intensely, so it's not viewed as a legitimate issue.
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A
female
reader, sweet and sassy  +, writes (22 November 2007):
hey. i think that you should try concentrate on ur unborn baby! whenever u start to feel urself geting wound up just think to urself shes having YOUR baby! not sum other guys. u both clearly love each other. everyone has a past, i mean EVERYONE! u, me, your girlfriend even the person stood behind you at the shops, an theres really nothing anybody can do about that. im sure she wishes she'd never been with those other guys but she has and you either forget about it or run the risk of loosing everything. jelousy is a nasty emotion dont let it rule your life! good luck! xx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Hi,
sounds like you are looking for an excuse to ruin a perfect relationship. I would seek counselling, if you are not normally the jealous type ( you dont mention if you are ) then you definitely need help.
The good thing is you know what you are thinking is stupid. Unlike a lot of others who post on here who are obsessed with their partners past and merely seek confirmation of their petty insecurities, I think you want to do something about it.
Talk to a professional dude, it will help. You've got a baby on the way, do you really want this child to come into a family where the father is all bitter and twisted?
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A
female
reader, Cupid-oOx +, writes (21 November 2007):
Sounds to me like your jealous at the thought that your girl could be happy with anybody but you.
The truth is your not the first love of her life and you cant change that.
You need to move on and push your jealousy aside or it will end in tears for you her and the baby.
So just forgive and forget.
Cupid-oOx
33
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