A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend's parents have something against me, and I have no clue what to do. The whole thing started when she was over at my house, and my dad was responsible for driving her home, and long story short, he wasn't available at the arranged time. When she called her dad for a ride, he sped up to my house, screaming profanities so loudly I could hear him clearly through tightly locked windows. A few minutes later, I get a call from her number, and it's her dad, saying that she has asked him to pass on the message that she no longer wants to see me, then told me never to even try contacting her again because she doesn't like me anymore, and then he hung up on me. My girlfriend begged and begged and eventually was allowed to talk to me again (apparently she was to tell me that she still wanted to chat sometimes, but nothing more), but she isn't allowed to see me at all. Her father made it very clear to her that I was not a viable person, and in his opinion, he for some reason assumes I'm going to be a drug addict. Also, he has told her if she brought it up again, that she would be grounded forever. I've never been anything but totally respectful, using "sir" and "ma'am" when addressing her parents. Her dad's reasoning for all of this: there was one time I was standing too close to her and that was disrespectful to her personal space (while in reality I couldve held my arm straight out and not have touched her), this issue with my dad not being able to take her home, and a previous issue where, long story short, my dad couldnt drop her off more than an hour away from my house at 11 at night, with no prior notice. Her dad is a nice guy, but he's also one of the strictest people I've ever met, and if he doesn't get his way, it could mean fireworks. I really care about her, and I can see the stress this is having on her and on our relationship, and I feel the stress its's causing on myself. Is there anything I can do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): Ok I apologies if I misread something.
The next time you speak to her just have a good chat with her about the situation you are both in. You both love each other so I'm sure you're determined to be together. You can work this to your advantage if you both have a mutual understanding and agreement. You may need to have extreme patience though with this, but it would be worth it.
There's probably not much you can do short of becoming an overnight billionaire and her father suddenly sees you as the perfect boyfriend for his daughter, so I won't even suggest you try to win him over.
I remember when I was your age and my girlfriends father knew nothing about me but wouldn't even attempt to get to know me. He just assumed I was no good. I was even a friend of her brothers and I'm a decent respectful person as you seem to be.
Unfortunately, some parents are far too unreasonable, but still have the last say over their kids until the kids become adults.
Once again, good luck with this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo all who are saying "her parent's house, her parent's rules" I totally agree with, in terms of dating and seeing each other. I think he is targeting me because she can't see me at ALL. We used to volunteer in the same community centre (on different ends of the facility, but in the same building) and now she isn't allowed to do that, because I'm in the building. The issue goes deeper than I simply can't see her, sorry if I didn't clarify that earlier :P
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 I would back of til the Dad cools off. Maybe he just doesn't really want her dating and was looking for an excuse to tell her no more dating for now.
There really isn't anything you can do. I agree if she is under 18 living at her parents house, their house, their rules.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 December 2012):
 Her father's house means her father's rules. Until she moves out she has to live by his rules.
Probably best to just be friends till she moves out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioniAmHereToHelpYou, thanks for your reply. We have discussed this option, and she says on one hand, she doesnt want to lose me, but on the other, she would have to, as you said, wait until she is no longer living with her parents. She's also told me that she doesn't care about the relationship with her father, she just doesn't want to get in trouble, get kicked out, etc, until she moves out by herself when she can handle the responsibilities of living alone. When I say he's a nice guy, I mean he's friendly and calm in personality, but he's also vry stubborn and set in his ways, and, like any other human being, he can really blow up when he's mad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso Karlos, I don't remember if I mentioned this in my last post to you, her telling me that she only wanted to chat sometimes was what her father ordered her to say to me if she wanted to continue talking to me, her opinion is still the same as it was before her dad stepped in
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): There's no real reason for her father to react so over the top in the situations you've mentioned, ok it would be nice if I were a father and I could be comfortable in the knowledge that someone would bring my daughter home safe and sound and I could have a break in the evening time, if say for example I've been working hard all day, but if it couldn't be, then of course I'd go and pick my daughter up and bring her home safely myself. Ok I may not be overly pleased to have to get my shoes on and jump into my car again and drive a couple of hours, but to react the way he did is just unnecessary rage aggression.
Unfortunately, I just don't think he feels you're good enough for his daughter and has been looking for an excuse or two for a while to stop her contact with you. To put words in his daughters mouth and say that she said she never wants to see you again when in fact she didn't say that, says it all to me. If I were you, I'd think its time to evaluate what situation I have here. She said she wants to chat with you from time to time and nothing more (are these her words or her fathers?), if that's her decision, it will likely be tricky for you to be only accept a friendship with her, and nothing else.
I would also have a long chat with her and find out if there's any chance for a relationship with you other than friendship, because she won't be a teenager forever, and at some point she will no longer have to do as her father says. If she still loves you (which I'm sure she still does because feelings don't go that easily), then its at that time she can make a proper relationship of this with you, and not have to abide by her fathers controlling ways.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionT92, thanks very much for your input and for your compliment :) I'd love to be able to do that, the only problem is that he won't even talk about me, let alone to me. She is allowed to talk to me, but if we are ever in each other's physical presence and her dad finds out, we're both going to be in deep trouble :(
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A
female
reader, T92  +, writes (22 December 2012):
 Speak to her dad politely and find out why he doesn't like you and go from there :), you sound like a real gentleman!
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