A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello there…. Help! Please!Some background…. I have been with my girlfriend for 18 months, we have lived together for the last 6, up until then it was great. I do love her; she is the sweetest person I have ever met. I have never cheated on her and I never will.The problem is that she is really jealous, needy and smothering. She calls me in the middle of the night when we are apart to check up, saying that she misses me and wishes I were there, I will say the same thing when in fact I am quite happy probably asleep. I am a liar and I feel guilty but the alternative is waterworks. She actually gets upset to tears every time I go out without her. If we are apart and I do not reply to a text in minutes a teary phone call is imminent.She is totally smothering with me, if I do not have constant physical contact with her whilst at home she will be upset. She will not let me see certain groups of friends cause an ex might be there, or other girls might be in the group. I invite her to come out with my friends but she says she is not interested.Its getting to the point where I feel guilty and like I have cheated for just spending time with friends or taking part in my hobbies. Its like she just wants me to spend my life on the sofa or in bed with her. I can’t do it, I need to be excited by life and do different things, I am only 26 and have my whole life ahead, I feel like my mind and body are wasting away.She can tell there is something not right and she tries even harder, tells me she loves me in every other sentence and hugs me, calls me, kisses me even more without even realising it making it worse.As I say I do love her but if this does not change I will have to leave her, I am not prepared to sacrifice all the other things I do in life. I know it will devastate her to hear it but I think she needs to know that I cant carry on this way.How can I approach it without sounding like a complete stone hearted pillock?Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, mobetta  +, writes (30 July 2009):
Hey there, It sounds like she needs a life of her own and stop living yours... Look into geting her started in a hobby of her own or furthering her Education wouldnt hurt. what ever it may be she needs something to ooccupy her time so her life doesnt revolve around you.
Just outta experience "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I truly wish you good luck,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for the advice everybody. I do not want to make any rash decisions.
I don’t want to lose her then realise in a week, month, year, decade that I have blew my chance of happiness because I want to spend more time on my own.
I am going to discuss with her this Friday night and be brutally honest and just hope that she understands and wants to change. I will warn my parents that I might want to stay over at the weekend if things don’t go well.
I think her initial reaction will be either very upset or very angry. I don’t mind either as long as when she calms down she understands that things have to change.
Wish me luck!
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 hey there, well this girl has obviouly been hurt in the past and this has dented her ability to trust again or feel secure in a relationship without constant reassurance. i think that you should talk to her, and tell her that you do love her and want to be with her, but that she shouldnt have to be constantly reminded of that. let her know that you will never hurt her and will always be there for her, but that you do need time with your friends, and time alone also. being together 100% of the time is quite unhealthy, and if you keep going on like this, you will end up resenting her. its not fair that she is being this demanding and she needs to see this. im assuming that she is about 26 also, so she is mature enough to know that this conversation is not an ending point for you both. why not suggest that you have ppl over for a dinner party? this way you can still see your friends while she is still in the comfort of your place. also suggest taking one night a week to do wat you want separately. if she cant change her behaviour and learn to let you go more, then you should consider getting her help and you a new girlfriend. email me if you wanna talk about this, good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, crazy_in_luv +, writes (16 April 2008):
hi..
wow,i do realize u love her but i think u should talk to her about it.
yes,she is gonna cry but make her realize that u love her and wont leave her.
dude,u're in for a tough ride..but love can withstand everything right?
best from my side
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (16 April 2008):
Hi,
It is clear that she has trust issues and a fear of being hurt. Maybe she was badly hurt in the past or her childhood was so uncertain that she feels you are her emotional rock.
I would strongly suggest that you should both attend relationship counselling. You will benefit from greater understanding and learning some techniques to support her in a less draining to you way. She will benefit by perhaps discovering what it is that makes her feel so vulnerable and by learning techniques to build her independence and emotional strength.
You will also both benefit from learning more about each other and the different ways you can deal with things.
All the best
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