A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm a 21 year old woman and have been with my girlfriend for nearly five years now (on and off). She is from a very close family and her mother wont accept us. This means at christmas time for example (when we are both home from uni), that I barely get to speak to her. This wouldn't be too much of a problem if I had a close family, but I don't (I spent most of christmas/boxing day alone) and being at home with my parents make feel miserable. I know its not her rejecting me, but I cant help but feel rejected and alone. Its also hard as normally we live far away from each other (but still see each other once every ten days or so), so when we're at home its frustrating having her 20 minutes away and knowing I can't see her.I do love her, and she is amazing. However, I understand that circumstances are also very important in a relationship; and I'm not sure this can progress. Her sister is very accepting and we meet up with her and her boyfriend a fair amount. I've waited 5 years, and her mum still hasn't asked to meet me, and cries if she hears anything about me. My girlfriend has pushed this as hard as she can (and put her foot down with her mum), but it doesn't feel like any progress has been made. Which therefore means I barely get to see her over the holidays, I can't phone her, I just have to sit it out.It may sound selfish, but part of me thinks that she should say to her mum 'If you aren't going to accept my partner then I'm going to have to go out tonight and see her', rather than just accepting it and spending every night with her family, including her sister and her sisters boyfriend (who is invited to everything).So what I really need your advice on is, should I break up with somebody I love to find someone else with the full package? Part of me wonders if I can be straight, and can find a man to fall in love with. Of couse I realise sexuality isn't a choice, but if it is fluid then this lifestyle would certainly be more beneficial to me.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Your gf is over the age of 18 right? So she is a legal adult? I don't understand why your gf doesn't stand up to her conservative mother and say, hey, she is my girlfriend. She is alone for the holidays. I'm a lesbian mom so get over it and move on. I'm an adult. You can't dictate who I see and who I don't see. So, I'm going to see my girlfriend. If you don't like it, then I won't be coming back here.
Have you talked to your gf about these issues (i'm assuming you have probably several times) and she won't be an adult about it and stand up to her mother. What about her father? Does she have one? What does he think about the situation? I think it's ridiculous that after five years her mother hasn't come around and she has never met you? HOw the hell does she know if she doesn't like you then?
Her mother was raised in a different time where being homosexual wasn't accepted in any way, shape or form and to think that her daughter, who is supposed to give her grand babies is dating another woman instead of a man. How dare she? Her mother is going to have to come to terms with this and move on.
If your gf won't stand up for you to her mother once and for all, then maybe it is time to move on. Let your gf know your thoughts, that if she won't/can't stand up to her mother then you can't be in a relationship with her for another five years doing exactly the same thing over and over.
Good luck to you. Beneficial maybe, but would your heart really be into a forced relationship?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Reading this as an older married guy my thoughts are [1] yes your girlfriend ought to make more of an effort to see you over Christmas and other holidays. No that is not strong enough - she should be with you not her family. Quite simply you should come first after all this time. At some point her mum would then have to accept the situation and make an effort to get to know you. [2] you ought not to be on your own over Christmas in any case. Stay with friends? You are making things too easy for your girlfriend by sitting at home and waiting for her. [3] Sometimes in a relationship you need to force an issue. You need to do that now. Good luck! xxx
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A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (29 December 2010):
This is hard and different for every family. But 5 years is a long time, and I understand she is close to her family but she also knows that your alone on the holidays and should be there for you so you don't feel alone... It would be different if this was all new... But its not.. I don't know its so hard to say but my best friend can't bring his boyfriend over and they just go and do there own thing a lot of the time. But its hard and you might have to move on.. Just go with your heart good luck
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