A
male
age
30-35,
*irdman21
writes:Ok, so when my gf and I get intense she loves it. She definitely gets satisfied each time, I literally make sure of it and give it my best effort. Over time I've learned how to get her off and I can do it most every time for her now. She tells me she loves it, that I'm great, she gets tired and sore; all signs point to me doing a good job.However, she seems to not always be up for it. If I was doing such a good job, wouldn't she be unable to get enough? She only wants to do it maybe half the time (2-3 times per week) and always has assorted reasons for not wanting to. (I'm tired/Not In the Mood). I've read that girls libidos at 17 aren't especially great, while males are so is she just genuinely not there yet, or do I suck in bed?
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in the mood, libido Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 February 2011):
Hello again. Yes, privacy is a big factor. It certainly would cause some anxiety in both of you really.
If you can find some way around that, then you're home and hosed.
65 percent is pretty good. The other 35 percent would be a mixture of anxiety over maybe getting caught, and partly her being not so much in the mood at some times.
You've got nothing to worry about - either of you.
Just relax and enjoy the journey. And don't forget to have fun.
A
male
reader, Birdman21 +, writes (13 February 2011):
Birdman21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea I mean not an orgasm every single time. I've read up on it alot, how it's difficult for many women, and it's at the point now where I go off the scientific signs (flushing, muscle contractions, breathing), I don't use her movements or sounds as a gauge. I faced the whole orgasm question months ago. I get her there maybe 65% of the time? It all comes down to me having 30+ minutes. We both live at home, being still in high school, and I think a large amount of her anxiety is about getting "caught". It's hard for us to find time alone.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (13 February 2011):
Hi there. Just because you have great satisfying sex every time, doesn't mean that your appetites are exactly the same.
There will always be times when one feels like it, and the other one doesn't. This is common. No problem really.
The best way to really find out, rather than guess, is to simply ask her. That way you get total honesty.
Otherwise if you don't talk to her about it, you are just going to make assumptions and think that there must be something wrong with you. It's not worth doing that.
Just be open and honest with her about your concerns, and ask if there is anything wrong. When you do, be respectful and don't get angry or upset either, just stay calm. You want honesty, so no pressure on her.
Perhaps it's even that after a while she gets sore (as you have said), and doesn't want to experience that again.
You have said she seems to be satisfied, so you believe she is having orgasms every time? Is it possible that she enjoys it, but yet doesn't orgasm? Or that maybe yes she enjoys sex, but doesn't actually have an orgasm, so she pretends to have one? It's possible.
If this is true, she might be having doubts about it and be feeling self-conscious about that and losing her self-esteem a bit.
In any case, it is always best to talk about it, to be absolutely sure. If you don't find out, you can't do anything to fix it.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (13 February 2011):
 2 to 3 times a week is a pretty decent sex life, especially for a 17 year old! And yes, her sex drive is still getting going. And she may still have some confidence / body image / comfort issues that are keeping her from fully embracing her sexual side. But besides that, people vary and 2-3 times per week may just be what she's interested in. Some girls like 5+ times per week, others aren't even interested in more than 1. If the sex is good and you get to have it multiple times a week, you're a lucky man.
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