A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 29 and shes 27, her kids are 2 and 5. We've been going out for about a year, just recently i saw some old pics of her kids, herself and her ex, they were never married...I saw some pics of them playing in the park and christining ... i felt sick.. disgusted.. and dont even feel like being with her anymore. It feels like she's cheated on me, i knew she had kids when i started seeing her but never gave it much thought, but the more i think about her having kids with that someone else and seeing that persons face in the kids the more i feel sick to my stomach..even if i ever have kids with her i will feel cheated out of the experience of having our first child together, she would have already experienced this with someone else, i just had the feeling like shes already done this with someone else and i cant stand it....i think i'm going to leave her soon because i can never have a normal traditional life with her..
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 BTW, i've been with my guy when i was 17 and he was 18, but we are managing to support our parents, and we can't walk away from those obligations because we are related. It's time to fish or cut bait buddy. Thanks Eyes!
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (28 September 2010):
Exactly. In the wild, a loin will kill another lions cubs when he takes over the pride. As humans, we are more evolved, but everyone has there own ideas of what they want in life. I'm just saying, you seem to know what you want, and you certainly don't need anyone's approval to move on if your love for this woman isn't enough to supersede all of your doubts and desires. Like I said before, not willing to talk you out of how you feel.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Ease up there Buddy. You yourself said you think you should move on because you can NEVER have a "normal traditional" life with her and her kids. The fact that you never gave it much thought before you were emotionally involved was just poor judgement on your part. What Birdy was saying, was that perhaps, since you feel so strongly, you should just follow your own advice on the matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question birdynumnums,
I don't think your man has fathered someonebody elses kids, have you ever been asked to raise someone elses kids no related to you and raise them 24/7?, and i dont think you've provided financial support to anyone elses kids or their grandkids.
if you think that looking after someone elses kids is normal and comes naturaly than you're crazy!
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I think birdynumnums said it best, however I don't think in this case it's a matter of choosing to improve yourself and your feelings of jealousy. You brought up a very valid point when you said you feel cheated out of the experience of having your first child with your girlfriend. I don't think I could be with a guy who has kids for this reason also. It's a whole big adventure that your girlfriend's already embarked on, twice. She may not even want to do it again. I agree with your decision to leave her.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I agree with Birdynumnums, if you feel this way, then no amount of talk is going to change how you feel. It is time to move on. And don't date women who have children. Some men can do this easily and some can't. I think you have found that you can't. It doesn't make you right or wrong. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 September 2010):
Kids may go away at 18 but they usually come back, bringing with them a spouse and a kid or two. At least that's my experience with parenthood.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (27 September 2010):
I think it's good that you at least have addressed the feeling that sprung up when you saw the pictures. If you do know WHY you feel this way, and it's not going to change, then you would be wise to move on.
Most people have feelings of jealousy and possessiveness, but you seem to feel this way in the extreme, and if you know you aren't a forgiving or accepting type of person and would always resent her, then I think you are right to move on.
She and the children need love and acceptance from you, and if you aren't willing to provide it, then she would be better off with someone else.
You can't erase a past and children don't go away until they're 18 - those things are both facts.
It seems harsh and I should be trying to talk you out of this and advise you on what you SHOULD be doing to improve yourself, but I don't think I'm going to talk you around your feelings; you seem set on this. If you know your own mind as well as you seem to, then you should take you own advice and move on.
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