A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm new at this sort of thing and I'm not used to talking about my relationship issues but I have been having a lot of trouble lately and I need advice.My primary issue in my relationship is trustworthiness. I know I am an easy going guy and I can let things go and I trust easily, but this seems to be stretching it. Recently my girlfriend and I have been having trouble with her best guy friend (friends for 17 years +), he has expressed interest in her. This isn't the problem I can accept people having crushes, my issue is that he has been repeatedly trying to take her away from me. By whatever means possible.Unfortunately she doesn't seem to appreciate the situation,she acts like it is all a big joke. When I try to tell her that since he is her best friend and she needs to take action she tells me to quit whining and just to deal with it. This is the first problem I'm dealing with...My next problem has to do with her living situation, she has encountered some trouble and may have to move in with the very same guy who is trying to steal her away! I'm devastated over this and in my lovesick condition I am not sure what to do...my friends think I should end it but I'm hoping there is someone here who can relate and give me the best advice. I thank you for your time...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): If she doesn't respect how you feel she doesn't care about the relationship. Would you ever brush off things she said? Probably not because the relationship is important to you.
A
male
reader, Who +, writes (28 April 2009):
 You know I had a couple of good jokes ready for this answer until I got to the “may have to move in with the very same guy who is trying to steal her away” part. Now those jokes would be in bad taste. “Unfortunately she doesn't seem to appreciate the situation,she acts like it is all a big joke.”Despite the fact that you are an easy going guy and can trust easily, I think you have to consider the possibility she is jerking you chain. Not saying this is the case, but possibly she likes having 2 guys pursuing her, and maybe even likes to see you lovesick and devastated. If so, at least you are being a good boyfriend and giving her what she wants.If she does have to move in with this other guy, I believe you have to do what your friends suggest. Tell her “You did not want to take action with this other guy, and wanted me to just deal with it. So I’m now dealing with. You not taking action with the other guy’s advances show me you do not care about us. I hope there are no hard feelings and I wish you the best in the future, but it is over between us and I’m moving on.”If she does not move, you have 3 choices:1. Live with the current situation, trust and verify. Tell her you trust her and that you understand you two are in a monogamous relationship. If this other guy can’t make any headway maybe he will eventually give up. Assume the best will happen, but be prepared to get out with you dignity if she (not saying she will) treats you like a door mat.2. Tell her you don’t want to “just deal with it” and don’t believe you have to. If she does not tell the other guy to get lost and stay that way, you have to conclude she does not value you or your relationship. Give her a week. 3. Just go ahead and end it now, and starting looking for your new girl.Good luck and hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 April 2009):
There are some clear rules for this kind of situation.I'm married and have male friends, but the second I find out one of them has a crush on me then I let him down gently, tell my husband what happened, and then don't see him again unless he has a girlfriend.Your girlfriend is no doubt LOVING having 2 men desiring her and telling her they want her.She is also being VERY VERY selfish as she clearly doesn't care that she is hurting everyone around her for her own ego boost.She is not giving you (her boyfriend, the one who is supposed to come first) any respect for your feelings. She doesn't care that she is putting her relationship at risk.She doesn't care that she is clearly leading her friend on, she's not letting him get over her, she's giving him hope and using him and generally messing with his feelings.I mean, think of it from his side. It's hardly fun to have the girl you want dancing about in front of you, moving in with you, flirting with you but then saying she loves this other guy so you can't touch.I don't believe that he is the ONLY person in the world who she could move in with.I think you need to tell her that you love her and really want to be with her, but you can't deal with how selfish she is being to both you and this other guy.Tell her that when she is ready to grow up and stop using people then you really hope she will get in touch and you can get back together.Good Luck!! xx
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