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male
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*oblikeexperience
writes: Hi all, I am a guy who is experiencing a terrible time in my life right now. My 'girlfriend' and I have been having problems as of late. Basically here is what is going on. The girlfriend and I fell into bliss love and sex and have been inseperable for over a year now. At the same time I had been doing very well at my business and then my business took a turn for the worse. I was really freaked out about it 'cause I have never experienced any financial problem before. I've never experienced anything like what the girlfriend is doing right now either. We have been going on and off and on and off and she basically is making this a roller coaster right now. I thought that basically the business was pretty tramatic on both of us and that is starting to settle down now. The reason I mention the business is because I have read that financial problems really have an impact on the relationship and now I can see why. ...at any rate the girl is just doing some off-side things. For the past couple of weeks I have basically just shut her out and not returned her phone calls and have refused to be with her because she is being absolutely abusive and nasty. I am very forgiving and can see that she is just venting and doing what beautiful women do: act crazy and act unreasonable and act with no accountiveness. At any rate, this week she calls me and tells me on my machine that she is pregnant. So of course I return this phone call immediately. I don't know whether to be happy or afraid. I suppose that I am happy. Well, I rush over to her house and when I see her she tells me "did I say that it was yours?" ....Total punch to the solar plexus; I was speechless. The next day I drove by her house to see what was up and there was a car in her driveway. Turns out she is now with another guy. I am really upset at this and arrange to meet her in a park where we first kissed and I am hysterical with grief and everything else. I am non-violent and don't do anything to her but my buddy says that I should have 'pushed her into the lake' which of course I didn't do. Now she is calling and calling and calling and calling but the guy is still b**Ging her in my bed. The only thing to do is to run; but how can I? I love this girl more than all of my other girlfriends I've had in my life combined and times 20. I absolutely, completely, cherish the girl and I can't get her out of my head. As a side note: you all are going to think that I am totally stupid and nuts myself for even going on with this but the girl has already been married three times and I am/was about to be the 4th husband. She is 33 years old. I already know what everybody's answers are I just want to get some perspective on what everybody thinks and what pysch hospital I ought to check myself into. Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (27 December 2005):
 She doesn't deserve, you may love her and yes it's hurting and i'm not going to tell you to move on and get over it, because it's not that simple.
You need someone that respects you and loves you which she obviously doesn't otherwise it would you be your baby and not another mans.
Why do you allow her to sleep with another man in your bed.
Tell her that it's just not on, to go bang on his bed or to get a bed of her own. Walk out with pride and dignity, she's already taken your heart, don't let her take that to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): I agree with the previous answer. Additionally, it sounds like this girl has a lot going on. It sounds like she has a lot of issues and things to work through, not the least of which is personal responsibility. Maybe besides looking at what is best for yourself, you could examine this situation from the perspective as what is best for her. If you took her back, would you be her knight in shining armor or would you save her from dealing with a situation she herself has caused? If you took her back would she learn anything or continue a pattern of behavior that even she doesn't seem to be enjoying. Just a different perspective.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 December 2005):
Hey there,
Wow seems like you are going through a really really bad time at the moment! Not only are you have finanical difficulties which can create a huggeee amount of stress, your your relationship with your gf isn't going right and you aren't getting much support it seems like it as well.
First off, I want to say that you seem like you are a very caring and understanding person. Yet she seems to be taking advantage of that. You said she is abusive. That in itself is a sign to get out of the relationship.
I understand that you want to stay in the relationship because you love her, but do you love her behaviour, the way she treats you? Two people can love each other but not have a loving relationship and to me that is what it seems like is oging on here.
Does she make you feel good? It doesn't seem so. Shes cheated on you and is now pregnant with the guys baby, that is going to be very very very hard to deal with, are you really up for that?
I know you said you expected everyone to say to leave her, well thats because you should! I know it might not feel that good, leaving someone you love, but thats how life is, you can lvoe somoene but veing with them in a realtionship JUST WON'T WORK! Its just like that.
Honestly, when you are 50 and in a marriage with this girl and being put down constnatly, abused and cheated on, with no feeling of trust and loyalty, you will regret it. Stickign with someoen for life who treats you like that isn't good, thats the time when love doenst conque all.
I think in society we have this perception that if you love someone then you have to be with them, thats not true. People love people who abuse them, but that doesn't mean they should stick around.
Your girlfriend seems to have alot of issuse to me and this relationship is just going downhill. I suggest if you even consider staying with her, first take a break to sort things out and think about if you can really go with someone who is pregnant to another guys baby. What is that baby going to represent to you? Its going to remind you of the betrayal. THat must make you feel really bad, so why stay with someone who does that?
I also would like to suggest counselling, for her. See if shes willing to go into counselling and perhaps you two, like couple cousnelling, thats if you choose to persue this relationship. Its a tircky situation that I think needs professional guidance and help.
In conclusion, if you leave her, sure it will be hard, no denying that, yet you could so find a girl who you love jsut like you loved her, yet more and who loves yoy back AND have a loving relationship. Don't settle for what you have irght now, you can do better, I from just reading your post believe that you are a great person and any other great girl would love to be with you!
take care now and pplease think about what I said.
And most of all she doesn't seem like a very reasonable person to me, so I think dealing with it would be very hard as she doesn't seem to be the type of person to deal with issues very well.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 December 2005):
 Not knowing your location...I can only suggest Bellview.
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