A
female
age
41-50,
*overnotafighter3333
writes:I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. When I started into my relationship, my girlfriend had been broken up from her ex for 1 year. About the time that I came into her life was when her ex started contacting her. She was very emotional and told me that she wasn't over "the relationship" yet. About 3 months went and she completely stopped communicating to her ex. Then about a year into our relationship, I found out she had been checking her ex's Facebook everyday. I confronted her and she lied. Finally, I told her that I knew that she was doing it.. She apologized and said it was because she was left in the relationship and she had some hurt regarding that but not with the person. Then about a month ago, I had found out she was doing it again. I told her that I was done.. She came to me once again promising she would never do it and blocked her ex on Facebook. Now, it's been about a month since that happened. The thing that is now upsetting me is that my girlfriend is in the middle of personal effective workshops and said that she brought her ex up in the apology area of the workshop. I feel so overwhelmed with this issue an I feel like I can't ever go a month without having her ex somewhere in her mind. I am curious as to advice on if she is over her ex and/or what I should do. I have never been in a relationship where the past has come up so often and I'm starting to become very hurt and insecure about this.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (6 May 2013):
 i think it seems very clear that your gf is not over her ex. if she was, she would have no desire or inclination to keep checking up on her. which it sounds like you already know this.
i would end a relationship over this, to be quite honest. because when you're in a relationship, you deserve to be number one behind no other woman. and when there are others in the picture, that's just simply unfair.
i've been with my gf for about six months now. and i have absolutely zero desire to check my ex's fb page or anything of the like. why? because my gf is the single most important woman in my life. hands down. no other woman has my attention. find a woman who will give you that.
good luck.
A
female
reader, la femme jolie +, writes (5 May 2013):
Your girlfriend started a new relationship with you before she'd had closure with her previous relationship. You can get counseling with her and figure out if she's really ready for a new relationship. Or you can continue to see how it goes with her. She could also seek counseling on her own and try and get help getting over the previous boyfriend. As it stands, there are 3 people in your relationship. And until you see that she's truly over him, you will never be able to handle it or progress as a couple. Be honest with her about your feelings and don't accept being part of a 3 person relationship.
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