A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. I'm knew to this sight, but i need help. But I've known the love of my life for 4 years, and we've been dating on-off the entire time. I grew up being the popular/cool kid of the school and i dated a lot of girls before her, so she wasn't my first real relationship, but she is my first/only true love. So here's the story, we dated off and on. Well she had gotten out of a 6 month relationship, and the reason they broke up was because her ex CHEATED on her. Irony, sucks. So you would assume she knows the pain/hurt it causes the one who gets cheated on. Well, when me and her weren't dating we were still great friends, so of course when i heard they broke up i went to her to comfort her and cheer her up. After a while we fell back in love. We ended up dating a while after and it was going well, we fought, but not anything major. We definitely made good memories. 2 months into the relationship, one of my friends said they saw her in the back of a bus with another guy. I called her, and she swore to me that nothing happened. I talked to the guy and he said they kissed, but not at the bus. Well my girlfriend after many hours of denying it finally admitted they kissed, once, but that was it. Being a fool i believed her. About 2-3 weeks later, i find out that they have been secretly going behind my back spending time at each others houses and she even smoked pot with him a few times. I also find out that they went farther then a simple kiss. And they made out many times. So after swearing to me that it was only a kiss, i find out that they've been secretly dating behind my back. I know it's not as major as sex, but it still hurts. In my eyes a kiss is more painful then having sex, as far as cheating goes. Sex shows you that they were sexually curious and that is understandable, a kiss shows that they had true feelings for another person, and none for you. Well of course i jumped the gun and broke up with her, but she begged and begged and cried and wrote me sweet notes and called me every day. She lead me to believe she truly was sorry......I took her back, and now we have been currently dating for 10 months. You guys must understand i love her with all my heart, but i can't get over it. It happened almost 8 months ago and she's been great. But i keep this leash on her and it sucks. I have to know where she's at at all times and at the end of every day i need to know all the guys she's talked to and what they said to decide which ones are a threat. It's getting mentally wearing and we fight so often about her cheating it's getting to the point if i should continue to see her. I know this was long but i need advice. Is the saying of once a cheater always a cheater true? The thought of marrying her years from now, and having her cheat on me then is unbearable. All advice is welcome, thanks ahead of time.
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male
reader, julian_00  +, writes (25 September 2008):
Oh dear brother, i could very well understand your problem and agony, you are going through, you know, you won't believe but, i faced, and still facing the same problem you are going through, i am loving a girl who, i know has cheated me a lot, you know boy, your girlfriend, and my girlfriend are exactly same, in behaviour, response and reaction. I had gone through absolutely EXACT situation you are going through. You know when i visited this website and read your question, it felt like someone has written my problem in this coloumn, well boy, my advice to you for this girl is that, i think she has gone nymphomaniac, she might love you but you know, this type of persons feel same for every one, she can't resist her temptation to flirt with new guys specially those who are unique in some manner. You know, people like you and me have a great weakness, and that is compassion. My girlfriend also kept flirting with new guys, visited their places, swore on me that she never touched them, but truth was shocking. You know, really really very amazingly, your and my case is same to a greater extent, and i am feeling like you and me are also same. Likewise our sweethearts are also same. You know boy, trusting her would be the greatest mistake you will be making now, i am not advicing you to leave her and never see her face, as this would be very difficult, even i am not able to do this, instead you should now try to take her as granted, you should not be emotionally attached to her anymore, as this would be going to hurt you a lot again i swear. You know, there could be many hidden dirty secrets of her you might be not aware of which right now, but as they would be revealed to you, you would really go depressed, so i advice you, that you should not have any feeling of adoration to her anymore, and you better not let her know that you don't love her anymore, you should completely abandon the thought of marrying her, as you are not jesus christ, whose single touch can cast demons out of dickens like this. Brother i could understand the various pains of this bullshit going on. But as they had fell upon you, you have to face them, stand against them. I am doing the same and now i am feeling a little relieved, however, thoughts from the dark past, sometimes come to your mind and get you into a deep shade of blue, but you have to resist them as this life is to rejoice and celebrate, not to cry and lament. You can't aontrol her, as you can't control life of others, but you have total control over your own life, now it's up to you, how do you live, and as far as that girl is concerned, i don't think that you should love her anymore. Talk to her, meet her, kiss her, have sex, whatever, but do not love her anymore, and whenever you feel like you are falling for her again, you should relive or imagine the moments again on which she was licking the saliva of the other guy, and put you on the backburner. Goodluck. Hey! i think we can be nice buddies, mail me at [email address blocked] if you like to talk to me more....
A
male
reader, julian_00 +, writes (25 September 2008):
Oh dear brother, i could very well understand your problem and agony, you are going through, you know, you won't believe but, i faced, and still facing the same problem you are going through, i am loving a girl who, i know has cheated me a lot, you know boy, your girlfriend, and my girlfriend are exactly same, in behaviour, response and reaction. I had gone through absolutely EXACT situation you are going through. You know when i visited this website and read your question, it felt like someone has written my problem in this coloumn, well boy, my advice to you for this girl is that, i think she has gone nymphomaniac, she might love you but you know, this type of persons feel same for every one, she can't resist her temptation to flirt with new guys specially those who are unique in some manner. You know, people like you and me have a great weakness, and that is compassion. My girlfriend also kept flirting with new guys, visited their places, swore on me that she never touched them, but truth was shocking. You know, really really very amazingly, your and my case is same to a greater extent, and i am feeling like you and me are also same. Likewise our sweethearts are also same. You know boy, trusting her would be the greatest mistake you will be making now, i am not advicing you to leave her and never see her face, as this would be very difficult, even i am not able to do this, instead you should now try to take her as granted, you should not be emotionally attached to her anymore, as this would be going to hurt you a lot again i swear. You know, there could be many hidden dirty secrets of her you might be not aware of which right now, but as they would be revealed to you, you would really go depressed, so i advice you, that you should not have any feeling of adoration to her anymore, and you better not let her know that you don't love her anymore, you should completely abandon the thought of marrying her, as you are not jesus christ, whose single touch can cast demons out of dickens like this. Brother i could understand the various pains of this bullshit going on. But as they had fell upon you, you have to face them, stand against them. I am doing the same and now i am feeling a little relieved, however, thoughts from the dark past, sometimes come to your mind and get you into a deep shade of blue, but you have to resist them as this life is to rejoice and celebrate, not to cry and lament. You can't aontrol her, as you can't control life of others, but you have total control over your own life, now it's up to you, how do you live, and as far as that girl is concerned, i don't think that you should love her anymore, talk to her, meet her, kiss her, have sex whatever, but do not love her anymore, and whenever you feel like you are falling for her again, you should relive or imagine the moments again on which she was licking the saliva of the other guy, and put you on the backburner. Goodluck. Hey! i think we can be nice buddies, mail me at [email address blocked] if you like to talk to me more....
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Who knows if once a cheater always a cheater. Everyone is different. My uncle had an affair and split from my aunt for 3 years before they got back together and years later are still together again. I dont think he will cheat again, even though in the past he was a bit of a ladies man.
I think if you cant trust her, a band aid marriage is a bad move. That wont mirraculously make everything ok and prove she is trustworthy.
At the moment you're still waiting for her to prove she wont cheat again.
If you dont think you can learn to trust her again, you're wasting both your times being together ey, let alone get married!
Good luck.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Everyone deserves a second chance, so long as she's owned up to everything she's done, why she did it, and is really truely sorry for it. That said, do you really want to keep her leashed you're whole life? A relationship is built on trust. If you can't trust her, what kind of happiness does that bring to either of you're lives?
Betrayal hurts. Let her know that if she's truely serious about you, she should earn you're trust back. Perhaps ease up on that leash, let her prove herself faithful to you.
Hope this helps...
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