A
male
age
26-29,
*upid_dan
writes:My girlfriend doesn't want to have sex until she is married. She is a virgin. I am frustrated telling her how important sex is in relationship and how deeply emotionally we can be connected.She even used to give her ex bf liberty to have sex with hookers even though she didn't liked it. I don't want to make her feel bad doing like that. Is there a way. We can resolve this?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 Stop putting pressure on her, stop asking for other things. If you love her then what is stopping you marrying her?
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 June 2017):
 Massages while clothed, but no intimate areas!
OP, you're treading a thin line because most intimacy can lead to things getting carried away. I don't think you're a good fit for each other because you do want sexual things and she doesn't.
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A
male
reader, cupid_dan +, writes (25 June 2017):
cupid_dan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThxs for your opinion. I respect it. Yeah I think I gotta respect her belief. I love her very much I just can't leave her just because I can't have sex. Is there another thing I can ask with her, or try something intimate, without actually asking for sex?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 June 2017):
 Marry her. Problem solved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2017): It really isn't your responsibility to convince your friend when it's the right time for her to have sex. You have your reasons for your choices and she has hers. She is just as entitled to stand by her decisions as you do. She is less likely to end up with an STD infection or unplanned pregnancy. She also shows she can be a strong woman and hold to her values.
You really shouldn't be pressuring her. You say she lets her boyfriends see hookers? I'm sure that's why they're ex-boyfriends now.
It may not only be her decision; but a matter of religious conviction and dealing with her family traditions that may be strongly enforced.
She has no reason to go into all the details; because she owes you no explanations beyond what she has given.
She is patient and wise. Let her be.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 June 2017):
Stop pressuring her. Find a girlfriend who wants sex before marriage; she doesn't and you need to leave her alone.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 June 2017):
 You should relax. She has a gift for you and should be able to give it to you whenever she is ready.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (24 June 2017):
If this is something she feels strongly about and isn’t prepared to change her mind, you can’t really resolve it. Either you accept her choice or you don’t. If you don’t, you’re not compatible. It’s unfortunate but this is pretty black and white I’m afraid.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 June 2017):
 I married someone who waited to be married. That's your "resolution". If someone has made the choice to wait until they married, then that is something you must respect. If that sexual value is incompatible with your values, then she's not for you, and pressuring her is not going to help you.
There's a lot that two people can do together that is mutually satisfying without intercourse. As far as emotionally connecting, you and I both know that you're saying that because you want sex, not a "deeper emotional connection". I was in your shoes, wanting to go all the way, but needing to have patience.
So you have a choice now. Not many people wait until marriage these days, but those who do take it really seriously. I also would advise not to go see prostitutes while you're with her, as you put her in danger (not to mention yourself) from STI's.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (24 June 2017):
 Marry her or leave her. Sex may be important in a relationship but it's more important that two people accept each other's boundaries and respect them. If you can't do that, let her find someone who will and you can date someone who shares your beliefs. If you truly care for her, be patient. And maybe, there are some compromises that can be made (aside from visiting prostitutes which is, as I'm sure you know, quite dangerous). Think this through.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2017): Move on. You're essentially trying to guilt her into sex.
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