A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Adice Needed!Okay, here's the thing. I have been dating a younger woman now for about 4 months. We have a pretty good relationship in my opinion and we have a ncie time when we are together. The issue at hand is her "guy" friends. Personally, I have never quite understood this concept. Maybe it is just my experience, I don't know? Anyway, I also do not drink becuase I am a recovering alcoholic. It is my choice and she is aware of this. She does drink, sometimes more than others, but not too frquently. last night she tells me that he guy friend invited her to a day-long bar crawl. It is on a Saturday and I work the weekends so I couldn't go even if I wanted to. She continues to tell me how she really wants to go becuase she really wants to see this guy friend of her's. She also throws in there that another ex-boyfriend will be there as well, so she doesn't know if she should go or not. I sat there, probably with fumes coming out of my ears, thinking to myself that she was out of line even considering this. I mean, first off, we just had a discussion about how people who are in relationships shouldn't be out getting smashed with a people , especially when they are not with their significant other. Also, how does she think that makes me feel when she sits there and tells me how much she wants to see this guy who I have never even met? I have friends who happen to be girls, sure. But I am in a relationship and I don't call them or text them or consider going out with them without my girlfriend. That is what being single is for. Maybe I am jealous, maybe not? That is why I need help here. I have been giving her the silent treatment for the last day becuase I don;t want to say anything that will come off the wrong way. She is a great girl and I honestly don;t think she understands what she says sometimes. I am feeling a little angry, but at the same time , feeling consused. Anyone got advice, opinions? Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 I think you should just calmly tell her that you don't feel comfortable with her going out bar-hopping with her male friends or running into her ex while she's there. Maybe she just doesn't know where the boundaries are, especially if she's young and somewhat naive. Just be straight with her about it, you don't have to be angry, just tell her how you feel and hopefully she'll love and respect you enough not to push the issue.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): The silent treatment isn't going to help here - you need to work out with her what you both want this relationship to be like, and try to agree on it. Every relationship is completely different. Some examples from my life: my ex didn't like me having male friends as he couldn't understand how men and women could be just friends, nothing more. So to make him happy I lost touch with all my male friends. That wasn't a compromise worked out between us, that was me giving in completely and it eventually made me very unhappy. As I mentioned, he's now an ex. So I think it's important neither of you give in completely over this, but rather you should discuss what you both want and figure something out together. It might take a while but it'll be worth it. Just don't be too hard on her too. It sounds like her friendship with this guy is so innocent she doesn't even realise you might have a problem with it. It would be good for you to meet him I think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): Hi,
Your girlfriend isn't doing anything wrong by keeping and developing friendships outside of your relationship even with male friends, it's healthy to maintain your own life and individual identity while dating someone. To an extend you need to accept this, and come to terms with it.
However I can see that this is a bit more than that, because it involves an activity you can't participate in it's as though she's keeping these men in a part of her life you can't gain access too.
what can you do? well you can start by never telling her you don't want her to go, or anything else that could come across as controlling. Maybe calmly tell her what you feel, jealousy that she will be having fun while you are working, and then tell her to enjoy herself and make no objections when she goes anyway.
also tell her you would like to meet these friends, it will probably help you be comfortable with their friendship to actually meet them.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well at the end of the day this does just boil down to one thing and that is jelousy. Everyone is different in there own way. Ok so she wanted to catch up with a friend that sounds fair enough to me, but she also added that her ex was going to be there. It sounds to me like she way have been looking for a reaction from you and might have been trying to get you to be a little bit jelous. To me it sounds quite immature.
I guess you just need to tell her how you feel. Tell her it makes you feel uneasy. However dont tell her she cant go, she needs to make up her own mind over it, but do tell her that it worries you. Goodluck.
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