A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, this question might sound pretty basic but it's been bothering me for some time. When I asked my girlfriend (of 2 months) how many relationships she's been in prior to ours, she said that she's been in 2 serious relationships and had a whole lot of flings in addition to that (she refused to say exactly how many). This is my first ever relationship and i'm extremely committed and trying my best to make it work cos i care for this girl a lot. What i'm confused about is what exactly is a "fling" and how do ppl know how to differentiate between a fling and a proper relationship. After I learnt that my gf has had so many flings, i've become worried about whether our relationship is gonna be just another one of them. That would seriously break my heart cos i've committed to this relationship 100%. Plus would u please let me know whether her having had so many flings makes her a slut? Or is it a normal thing to do??? As u can see, i'm confused! :S I'll appreciate every reply I get on this. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 i think the fact that she mentionned them is a good thing, cos if you two keep up at developing your relationship yo can always ask her details and she can explain to you whatever you would want to know about them.. and i'm glad you took a more balanced position and you teo are working things out now. you're still 'at the beginning ' :). good luck
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 You take care, too. I wish you and your girl the best in this world. You know, a partner you can trust, despite what you see as failures, is one of the best things in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi danielepew, first of all i'd like to say that i'm really grateful to u for taking the time to read through my problems and try and help me out. I appreciate it very much. I realise what u mean when u say that there's no way out of the type of promise i made. I really had no intention of going back on my promise to my gf until i read the reply from the female anonymous reader (below yours)which says that 2 months is a very short time in which to make a commitment to her. I started havin doubts whether i rushed into things a little too much. But I agree with u completely on the fact that the kind of promise that i made is not the type that u should go back on. I do not have any more insecurities about her past flings...u've successfuly cleared those up. I'm happy to say that my gf and i are working things out now. Thanks again for ur help. Take care
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 July 2007):
There is no way out of such a promise. However, I think the possible outcomes can be:
1) She finds out she doesn't really want to be with you, and she walks away.
2) You do work something out.
3) You find you don't really want to be with her, and walk away. Of course, this makes you look very bad. But then, it would be worse if you stayed with her and you didn't love her.
Your second questions makes me smell something. Perhaps you're still feeling insecure about her "flings", and now you want a way out, just in case?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 I agree with Danielepew.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi again, and thanks a lot for your replies. I have just one further question. I realise now that we both need to take time to get to know each other better before we decide to really commit cos we've only been dating for 2 months. The problem is that i've already told her that i'd like to spend the rest of my life with her and i dunno how i could go back on that now. Is it alright if i just tell her "I was confused when i said that and i now think that we should spend more time to get to know each other before we make any serious commitments" ? That IS after all the truth. However i kinda have the feeling that saying that might leave her wondering what made me change my mind about wanting to spend the rest of my life with her and she might feel hurt. I need ur advice on what to do!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 July 2007):
The Webster's Dictionary defines a fling as "a casual and brief love affair".
I don't think her many flings make her a slut. If she is committed to you, well, that's what counts.
You should not think about her previous relationships. If the roles were reversed, would your flings and yor previous relationships make you bad for that girl?
Now, of course I see your point in wondering whether this can be just another fling or something more serious. I suggest you talk to her and make it clear that you're committed a 100%. She should remove your doubts.
I hope this helps you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): Dating is all about getting to know another person so that you can both discover whether or not you might be a good match (unless the dating is very casual and neither one is looking for a serious relationship, that is).
You are in the process of getting to know your gf. Two months is a very short time to be ready to make a commitment to her. What I mean by that is you can certainly HOPE the potential exists for something serious, but you don't have enough data (you don't know each other well enough yet) to actually make a commitment.
Anyway, maybe you could talk to her and try to sound her out and see what she wants from your relationship? Does she hope it could become something more serious eventually?
That's what I'd recommend right now.
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