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male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend thinks I'm the smartest person in the world, and she, the most stupid... We have been dating for about 3 years and we are both 19 now. Lately, (more often since she has been away at college) she seems to come up with any and every excuse in the world to avoid getting outside help, with anything! She seems to think everything comes easily to me, that I can do anything in all of my classes no matter how much I tell her otherwise. Somehow this makes me the enemy. She won't take the help I'm wiling to give and she will not take my advice of getting a teacher or tutor's help. I think things go a bit deeper than just too much pride but I need help.How do I help her feel better about herself? She gets mad at me if I am sensitive and just say 'it's OK' but she also gets mad at me when I give advice. She will not do anything to better her situations (possibly out of fear, or lack of confidence) but she always has such horrible situations. Help me... help her, please.
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (17 February 2006):
 She needs to see a college counsellor to talk through her fears and her obviouse lack of confidence, you can only suggest this and if possible find out the information for her and give it to her, you need to talk to her and say how concerned you are over her lack of engagment with people who are paid to help her like her tutors, she should be going to them and asking for assistance.
I suspect she sees in you all she feels she lack in herself and this is putting up the barrier.
You are brilliant for helping her just dont get too wrapped up in her issues as you can give her support and guidance but if she does not take it you must not take this personally or let it affect your own studies.
A
female
reader, ladybaby +, writes (17 February 2006):
Going off to College is really hard for anyone, but sometimes it can knock some young people sideways. Is she enjoying her course, or is she doing something that her family expects of her? It may be an idea to speak to her parents and tell them of your concerns, or next time you're up visiting her, speak to her College friends and suss out if they know how down she's feeling. If they have been aware, and maybe haven't mentioned anything to her, ask if they could initiate a conversation where they speak about their fears about their courses/college life, and it maybe the release she needs.I'd say she's a very lucky girl to have someone like you caring for her!
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