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male
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*oviemaster4thewin
writes: My girlfriend thinks she is fat. She really isn't though. Her weight comes from all of her muscle from dancing for 20 years. I have noticed that since she started her diet, that she has been pretty distant. I want to help her, but I don't know what she needs. She told me that this is something that she needs to deal with on her own. I really love her and I just want to be able to offer her my help. What am I to do in this situation?
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male
reader, moviemaster4thewin +, writes (9 August 2006):
moviemaster4thewin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice. I am going to take what I can from this and try my best to do what I can.
A
female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
look i think that you should go the gym with her and cook for her let her know you dont care if she gains a midget or a mountain you love her forever!
---------smooche_-
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): Okay that's nice to hear. But it isn't the be all.
It could be that is all she is hearing...that you are with her for her looks and her body...not very comforting or reassuring as people age and the body can start to decline in fitness and health. See what I am saying?
Perfection is not going to happen in this life. Perhaps she has discovered this and thus the distance...after being taught that is the only way she can be valued and loved...finding that out would undo her world.
It definetly sounds like she needs some individual counselling as well as couple counselling.
I still say do the couple's counselling first. Then the other issues can come out and then the healing can begin and then you can really be of some help to her as this is what you want to be.
Please keep us informed and best of wishes guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): www.somethingfishy.org
It sounds like she has the beginnings of an eating disorder. You should read up on it on this site, it's very helpful. If you can do it without her getting defensive, you should have her look at it too.
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A
male
reader, moviemaster4thewin +, writes (8 August 2006):
moviemaster4thewin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMalyce - I've told her that I think she has an amazing body and a beautiful face, but she always shuts me out (like she feels that I am just saying that). She also said she has a hard time talking about it because she thinks that I am going to have a hard time being attracted to her if we talk about it. I think I need a way to show her how much I mean it when I tell her how beautiful she is. I try things like answering the phone "Hey Beautiful" when she calls, and just calling her beautiful as much as possible. Her home life does have something to do with it ( I think ). Her parents have really pushed her for perfection. Mainly in college, but now that she has graduated, I think they were looking for something else to push her with. They are great people, but I don't know if they realize that they are doing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): I think expressing your love for her and telling her that this isn't one of those "you are on your own" moments.
Tell her that you think she has an amazing body and that you love her. Tell her you will love her no matter what she looks like. She needs to trust and believe you love her more than her body and looks- as the body and looks "fade" over time.
Some woman equate the physical is in direct relation to a man's love for her.
It sounds like she is struggling with that.
Has she felt this need to lose weight and obtain some allusory body in other relationships?
What was her home life like?
Tell her how you feel.
Tell her that since she has been dieting that she seems distant and that you miss her. Tell her that you really love her.
Also you might want to look into some couple's counselling if this continues to go "downhill".
Your concern is a good thing.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 Just be attentive and supportive, she probably could use some positive feedback every so often. Just let her know that you love her. Good luck.
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