A
female
 ,
*onfusionz
writes:I'm still confused about my ex. I wrote about a week ago to say that I have been back with my ex now for about 3 weeks and it's really not getting any better. It's as though he really doesn't want to be around me. My life style seems to be too slow for him to handle. After all the promises he made to come back into my life it all seems as though it were lies. I feel really used and hurt at the way he is treating me. He continues to put other people and things before me. Only on Sunday we were supposed to have a picnic with our son. He woke up really early and by 9.30 he left the house saying he needed to see his children from another relationship. This is the 3rd weekend that he's had to see his kids and leave me at home to do everything. I was left at home having to prepare everything on my own for our picnic and when he did come back 2.5 hours later, he didn't offer no help or support. I didn't say anything as I didn't want to argue but even when we were out it seemed as though he didn't want to be there with me and it was such a cold atmosphere. I really didn't enjoy the afternoon at all. We hardly spoke to each other or anything. This was our first time out together since we got back. I'm sure you'll agree that nothing much seems to be going on but my main concern is for our son, I have been a single parent for a long time now and lately I have really been having a hard time trying to cope emotionally and financially on my own. Although it seems that he will leave but I don't know when, I would really like him to be there for my son and to give support whenever needed. I don't really want to lose him again completely. He says he loves me and our son but he just needs more time. Well I think we all know what that means! He says that I have been scaring him and won't allow him to breath. He says I don't trust him and he just can't handle it. I don't know what more to say or do to make him want to stay. Ever since he's moved in we have been having arguments moreorless every day about something and it seems his mind is back on being with the woman he just left or his ex-children's mother who he claims understand him. I really haven't felt very happy since he got here and he doesn't seem to be making much efforts to make me happy. My son is happy that his dad is around though but is that enough. What should I do? Help?
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female
reader, justice +, writes (8 August 2006):
you should tell him that you dont wanna be together but he can still see his son!
---------smooches
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2006): I think you need a good listening ear. Having validation from someone will strengthen you; you need support.
I am going to suggest that you get some family counselling for your son, you, and your partner.
Is this man the biological father? Then there is nothing stopping him from paying you child support. You go and make an application should he leave. Make sure you have a current picture, addresses of where he can be found, his work information.
Arguments are not good for your son. You need to tell him this. You need to say you are really wanting the relationship to work and suggest counselling for you and your family. If he says he doesn't need it say fine, but I and my son do and it would be supportive of him to attend.
Having a trained individual sitting in on your conversations and concerns will do wonders. The counsellor can also recommend community free services for you and your family.
Even if your partner refuses, please still plan to attend. Even making a local phone call to an agency and asking for referals for programs that fit your budget will be a good start.
Communication seems to be the main issue. With that is the trust and respect.
Time and perspective.
Best of wishes.
*hugs*
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