A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well this is the Issue. I have recently met a girl at work. She is just amazing, she is 20 but really has a good head on her shoulders. I am 28. We became very good friends pretty fast and then She came to know that I liked her more than a friend and she confronted me about it. I told her that I really liked her. But she asked me for her to decide to commit to me. That was my first hint that she atleast was considering me. Now, 10 days later we spent lovely time together at my home cooking, dancing and singing and the next day she tells me on the phone that she wants to be with me. One month on we are growing stronger and we both realise that we love each other. We did express the same to each other and everything is beer and skittles. Now you (the readers) got to understand that I am in India and she is also an Indian girl, so once a girl or a guy say I love you, it also implies that "I wish to spend the rest of my life with you and that I wish to marry you in the near future". Well we decided that we need to become financially become stronger and she needs to finish her education which would take the next couple of years. All the while in our relationship, we have not got to the physical part which I am OK with. I can wait till marriage for that. Now this girl is pretty and has a very friendly nature. So much so that I have known her guys friends who are constantly telling her that they love her. Now she does tell me about all these things and does ask me not to be jealous cause she does not love them and only loves me. Now some of the guys are her really good friends, so she is not willing to just stop talking to them. She tells me that she has told them that she cannot love them and but did not tell them anything about me for the fear of her parents finding out, which would be an issue at the moment. Now, she keeps talking about these 2 guys who are her good friends and they both love her and would want to marry her. And that they are good and capable people who have a good career. She tells me that they would be really gutted if they found out that me and her got married at some point. She tells me that she can never tell them about me directly as it would hurt them alot. Now I really don't know what to do ? I tried to talk to her about it and she tells me not to worry as she loves only me. But her constantly telling me that there are some other guys who are my competitors, for lack of a better term, makes me feel kinda less and insecure. Now I am not exactly a bum. I have studied and worked abroad for almost 8 years which gives me a matured perspective of the world. But due to personal reasons I had to come back to India an year ago and the recession has made me take up a job that does not pay as much but still has room for growth. I constantly keep telling her how much I love her and that I would not know where to go or what to do with out her. Her on the other hand says that she will definitely get married to me and only me and if not me not to any one else. Now I have to remember that she is 20 years old. I don't know what to make of the whole part about all these guys liking her and her telling me about it. Its not like she says yes to them, but she doesn't even say know which kinda gives them Hope, which is kinda misleading. I know that girls of her age like the attention and want to feel special and to know that they are beautiful. I donno if I have painted a clear picture or not, but if there are some guys and gals out there who may shed some light on this situation, I would really appreciate it. I do not doubt at all that she loves me cause at times, she does tell me that she loves me very very much and she misses me a lot, when we do not meet for 3 or 4 days. So should I be worried about these other guys who are her friends ? Should I feel insecure ? IS this going to get better or worse by time ? I am completely confused. This girl is definitely the love of my life. Would really love to see this through to our marriage. Any advise would be really appreciated. And thanks in advance for reading this rather long Essay.
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at work, girl at work, I love you, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Well my friend, love is a two way process with many sacrifices. She must take the risk of confronting her friends – they shouldn't be as important as you. I think she should introduce you as her colleague and go on from there.
Money doesn't make a marriage, and the unpredictability in the world won't end anytime soon. As you know very well, money today is gone tomorrow. Her education and career is important, but it's more important to find that out from her parents or mature siblings, rather than a 20yr girl ready to sail the way the wind blows.
Meet some of her closest friends and family, and you will know whether she is no longer on the marriage market.
And make sure your expectations and her's match, you don't have the option of goofing around, she does...
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