A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My Girlfriend slept with another guy, Twice. the thing is we started dating about seven and then we started arguing over petty things and they grew bigger. she suggested we went on a break then a month later suggested we get back together.at this point i suggested we kept it casual. i admit i gave her very little attention during this period and i slept with my ex. then we argued again and didnt speak for about two weeks. then she met this guy through a friend at a party.however we started talking again and getting better ( or so i thought). then she sleeps with him. and then we get back together and she sleeps with him again- according to he she was angry with me thats why she did it the second time.it upsets me but my problem is that she lied to me and i gave her many chances to tell me the truth. i asked her directly and i told her about my ex. she barely knew the guy. and we hard started dating again when it happend. now she says they are just friends and they still talk alot. i feel she only told me because i was going to find out and i was hearing things from people. she said she wanted to tell me and it has been eating her up. she says she loves me and wants to work on our relationship. she also says she wants to be a better person and only lied beacause she was scared of how i may react. thing is i love her but i'm not sure if i can trust her. she says the guy means nothing to her and she can do without him etc. what do i do ?
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a break, get back together, my ex, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 You know...when a girl says she wants a break, she doesn't always mean she wants to be broken up. I've taken space from my man sometimes, but we only wanted time away from each other, not time away from each other and doing other people.
She probably saw you as some jerk who was all "Great now shes gone, time to bone someone else."
You two are clearly not good for each other. You both cheat on each other. You both bring out the bad qualities in each other. Find other people. Sorry.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Dump her! You may love her, but if she's sleeping around ... Then she doesn't love u. Dump her!
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A
female
reader, jessylisa +, writes (23 April 2009):
KING OF THE DOUBLE STANDARD!!!!
you slept with your ex!
either get over it or spit with her she deserves a straight answer, either forgive and forget or live with anger for a while.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): even though you were only "casually" together with her, You still slept with your ex. So... why are you mad that she slept with someone? Trust is a two way street, there.
I say, you let the fouls cancel each other out and try to work on it. Although, maybe that's improbable, because I don't really know what you two were "arguing" about. That would be a vital clue to all this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Dump her. She clearly has no respect for you, or herself if she's willing to put out that easily for some stranger.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (23 April 2009):
 Young man,
You have answered your own question......BUT
I have a couple of questions
You were not clear as to when you slept with your ex...were you together at that time or not? If you were together when that happened, then you cheated on her and are no better than her. If you were not together that brings a whole host of other questions.
So in that case I will answer from the perspective that indeed you were not together at the time that your encounter occurred
Regardless I hate cheating above all else. She lied because she thought she was going to get away with it. She certainly doesn't care enough about you to be honest at this point. Simply put, cheaters care only for themselves, and only seem remorseful if they are caught, or feel they are about to be. In rare cases I have seen a cheater repent to the point of being trustworthy, but I would say that is a 1 percent chance of that.
Otherwise she would have kept it from you as long as she could...but she was going to be discovered.
BTW...as harsh as this sounds...the first thing YOU need to do(since you say she hardly knows the guy she slept with) is get yourself tested for an STD. Love may not last forever, but herpes certainly does.
So with this knowledge that so early into your relationship she selfishly cheats(once again I am going on the assumption that your tryst was when you were broken up), do you really think if you have these concerns now that you should consider being in any relationship, let alone with someone that cheats?
Just my opinion, but I think you have your answer...
The curb...find the nearest one and kick her to it and dont look back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Tough one. You love her, so its hard to just let her go, but if you dont trust her, and you think she might do it again, then you're better off without her. Women are quick to say that people make mistakes, and the past is the past when it comes to their mistakes, but do you really think they would say the same things when its us guys that make a mistake? Not hardly. Women think they can do whatever they want, and then just say it was the past. They dont realize that they are devaluing themselves in the eyes of their future partners.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): people make mistakes, no one is perfect…when we're young like this…i think we may feel like we're missing out on what else is out there when put into a serious relationship young in life…i'd say def. give her another chance and see how things work out…that really could have been it for her and now she will be great and everything will be fine from now on…she could have just needed to get that little fling out of her system…she says you can trust her, so i think you should at least give it a shot…you might end up missing out on something really great if you don't…"it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all"
God gives us second chances, knows that we are aren't perfect, and that everyone should be given the opportunity to reform their ways from past mistakes, henceforth making better decisions…some of us can't learn or can't realize how good what we have really is until we make those mistakes first
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A
male
reader, ALONSO80  +, writes (23 April 2009):
Oh man, I'd drop her yesterday. Yes it's gonna hurt, Yes I know you love her, but you have to man up here. She doesn't love you, She may not even respect you. Drop her like a hot potato. you'll be better for it.
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