A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 months. She is 7 years older than me and we work for the same company. I heard rumours before we were together that she slept with a guy at our works party. He told people the filthy details and someone told them to me too. I was only friends with her at the time and she always denied it. After a few months of seeing each other she admitted that she did sleep with him. My heart sunk when she told me as I always hoped that it wasn't true. This has been bugging me for months now. I thought I would have gotten over it by now but I haven't. It bugs me how she has to work with the guy sometimes. It bugs me how other people in the company probably know a lot more about that night than I do. It also bugs me that I was at the party and I can remember her flirting with him. I hate it when ever anyone mentions the party and it depresses me even when I drive past the hotel where it was and where they did it.She has a lot of dodgy stuff in her past which i have no problem with. But this really bothers me. What can I do to get over this? Should I ask her tell me the details? Would that set my mind at ease?
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (12 May 2011):
Getting details off her is just going to make it worse. I think you know that, right?
I think considering the circumstances.. in that, you knew she slept with this guy before you even started dating, you don't really have anything you can do. You either accept that your girlfriend did this, or you break up and find a different girl.
I could fully understand if you found out after you went out. But you knew what you were getting yourself in for. No guy wants to think of their girlfriend as easy or a "one night stand" kind of girl. And I think like you say, if it was in the past, you wouldn't mind. But it's in the present, and it's being rubbed in your face every day too.
You're just going to have to live with it (try avoid thinking about it) or move on and find someone else. The other option is you both change your jobs - but I can't see that happening?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): If your partner is still working with their ex-fling on a daily basis then you deserve to know about it. Your partner can't hide behind any "it's in he past" excuses because it's not in the past when the other person is still a part of their everyday life.
If their ex-fling is still working with BOTH of you, well, that's even more so.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 The next time your hanging around the water cooler at the office and over hear anything on the subject, hopefully the guy responsible for spreading his seed and his gloats, get in his face and tell him that you don't appreciate his ego trip and tell him that YOUR GF says he couldn't get it up.
GAME OVER DUDE!!!
You've got to stand up for your GF she'll, you're going out with her, thus you represent her, you have to have her back.
You'll look like the glorious knight in shining armor, people will respect you more, you'll get on better with your GF, and this guy will have to hang his head pretty low for the next few months. You want it all, you can have it, but it won't be by shaming your GF, it'll be by putting the blame where blame is due.
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