A
male
age
30-35,
*owen
writes:I am 18 years old, and will have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months in December. We got together in June, and though we originally planned to split up before we left for college, found that by the end of the summer we cared too much about each other to let the relationship end. She goes to a school 10 hours away from me, so we only really have chances to see each other during breaks. The last time I saw her was around the beginning of October, and I will see her again in three days now. I've been noticing a change in our relationship over the past few weeks... Lately, we have less and less to talk about. At the start of our long distance relationship, we would text each other pretty much every free hour of every day we had. We'd constantly tell each other how much we liked each other and couldn't wait to be with each other again. We would talk about anything and everything that was on our minds. Lately, though, like during the past two weeks or so, our conversations have been falling flat. It seems that we're both developing separate lives at college and it's getting more difficult to find common ground. I've been trying to keep things moving, but she's been pretty much unresponsive. When I tell her I like her, she says she likes me back, but it seems... off.Part of me wonders if at first we were talking TOO much. But our relationship has been like that for so long, I'm not sure how to change it.We recently had a phone conversation where she finally admitted to me that she's not sure about the way we're going. She says she knows she likes me, but it hurts being apart for so long. And I agree with her, but I've been putting in a lot of effort to make this relationship work, and she hasn't been matching that effort. She finally admitted that she's not sure she can give as much as I do, and that scares me. Before this, I was planning on telling her I loved her when I saw her again. Now I'm pretty sure that will make things more complicated. I told her that we should stop this conversation now, take a few days to gather our thoughts, and talk about it again when we were together in person. I'm just not sure what direction that conversation is going to take.I'm in love with this girl, and I'm committed to doing whatever it takes, even restructuring the nature of the relationship, to make it work. How do I get that across to her? And when we're trying to fix things later, what should I say? Do you think, if we're both willing to try hard enough, that this can work? Or should I even want it to work at all? Please answer me."
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female
reader, tpf5023 +, writes (21 December 2009):
You need to talk to her and see how she feels about things. You have to get the truth out of her and the only way she is going to tell you everything she really feels is if you just tell her you want to hear everything she has to say no matter how much it may hurt. Then just let her do all the talking. After she is COMPLETELY done telling you everything she has to say and you really feel like you have truly listened to her and she is really done talking, tell her how you feel and tell her that you really enjoy being with her and the distance, although a problem, is not a big enough problem to change your feelings for her. Make her feel important and needed and make sure you are giving her the necessary attention and feel-good that she is looking for. Also, make it clear to her that talking and texting all day long has to eventually resort in having nothing to talk about. That is completely common. Maybe you can explore talking a little less but atleast be in contact with her once a day. Hope that helps a little.
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