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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi, ive been left slightly worried over the past few months by some antics of my girlfriend, i really want to ask her but ive already let her down as i looked at some of her personal stuff as i had questions on my mind that i couldnt get answers for till i 'snooped'(another question within a question: does any one snoop through their boyfriend's or girlfriend's stuff? let me know if its right to do it or not if you have questions on your mind about things) and i did it again while she was on holiday with her mum, i noticed she had joined two internet sites when i looked in her e-mails one 6 weeks after a special trip abroad and another only 6 weeks ago, the thing is, we have talked only a few nights ago about our future as we do a lot, communication is superb on just about every subject especially the other night, when we eventually open up after a few days or weeks, hoping whatever is annoying us goes away, bvut we do always talk at some point. Ive noticed she has been distant at times, even before an operation she had recently, as i dont think she feels a sexual attraction towards me as much i do towards her, i know the old male cliche is we think about sex every 7 seconds, but at the start of the relationship she was fiery and hot, ive been there for her thick and thin and i love her with all my heart and we comunicate effectivly, i do trust her and feel so much for her, and i could never cheat on her, but i feel the urge of being pushed away sometimes as if shes trying to let me down gently and on the other we have plans to move in to our new house next week, with so many plans that are already laid down, and all the preparation and conversation we've been having, which has been great, i have been beginning to think its me that theres something wrong, i know i can be a bit too horny sometimes lately without the interaction of intimacy with her, it seems she freezes when i touch her, i have been turning to porn recently to release my urges, i am being patient in the healing process after her operation too as expected, this was when i found these sites, while going through her e-mail and traced these sites she had recently registered. But finding this after a serious conversation to make our commitment for real and true i am worried and dont really know why she would do this, i dont know what to think, we are best friends and have been together for 2 years, i just dont understand!!!!!!!!!!???????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): Ok so its not right to snoop around in your partners stuff but you gatta do it to make sure they're not cheating on you cause no one likes to get played. If you are gunna ask her about it don't freak out on her. Try to be sweet and like ask her nicely about it- "hunney... I'm not going to lie to you. I took a look at your e-mails the other day and well it kind of bothered me that I found a certain e-mail from a certain site that made me wonder. May I ask what is going on? If you don't want to talk about it I completely understand." Now by 'understand' I mean if she dosnt tell you she's either keeping secrets from you or keeping secrets for a special surprise paradise trip to hawaii she's been planning. And I doubt that's the case. But just try it and when you know her reaction just follow your heart. Oh ya and I'm actualy kinda doin the same thing to my b/f right now. I'm waiting for him to step it up with the sexiness cause he's more like bummy but cute sometimes and not sexy enough so I'm not as attracted to him. And scence I'm not attracted to him he gets discouraged. I'm really not attracted to him cause he has no sexual expierance and dosn't know how to handle me -a sexy woman with a delightfully plump bootay. STEP IT UP MEN! I might be lookin for a new one..
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (19 September 2005):
Yes you are right I would be tempted to snoop, but temptation is why Eve ate from the tree. If your girlfriend is looking for another man, there is not really anything you can do about it, snooping or not. Snooping will only let you find out alittle quicker but cause a bad fight when she finds out. She will also feel betrayed and if she is not doing anything, she will lose trust and you and start to resent you because of what you did.
On the other hand, if she is doing something her stories will continue to not add up, and sooner or later she will slip up. People talk you just gotta listen. That way you are not invading her privacy only showing concern for your relationship with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2005): Thank you for your replies, ive taken a few pointers that i found interesting and i'll give those a try the only thing is im concerned i'll only be told lies as she has with other people been compulsive at lying before though she is trying hard not to do this type of thing with me but things just dont add up that she says, i am patient, but am not pushing too hard for answers incase i push her away, this is why i snooped and i owned up to it, i know i shouldnt snoop, so if you didnt have answers you were trying to find from your spouse, wouldnt anybody be tempted to snoop, thanks for the replies, i'll be in touch.
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reader, pops +, writes (14 September 2005):
Have a frank talk with your gf away from the bedroom, and away from any other place you like to get intimate with her. Make sure you both have your clothes on. The number one reason women leave men is money. The second reason is sex. From what you have written, your gf has had second thoughts about you, and it occurred many months ago, and I suspect before her surgery, although you don't give us a good timeline. She may be reluctant to renew sex with the same vigor as she did when you first became lovers, but I suspect that the problem began long before. Ask her. If she is reluctant to talk, make an appointment with a marriage counselor, and ask her to go with you. If she refuses, go anyway. Then make plans to end this relationship. Her refusal means she not only thinks she made a mistake hooking up with your, but that she has no plans to try to fix the relationship. One person dancing does not make a dance couple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2005): First of all, your "fear of getting dumped" is getting the better of you. It's difficult to say whether she still cares or not. You have to talk to her and get her to open with her true feelings. This guessing game is working on your self-confidence. And if she is showing signs of not wanting to be involved right now, ask yourself-what can you honestly do about it? Nothing-you can do nothing. You can't force her to love you but..you can change your attitude and put this "fear of being dumped" to rest, once and for all. It will take work but it will put a lot about life-about loving-in perspective for you. Keep telling yourself that your "self-doubt are no longer an option". Your self-doubts are causing this negative emotional turmoil within you. Gotta stop doing that to yourself, guy. These fears & self-doubts are making you do foolish stuff like snooping on her computer. That is plain wrong and you are violating her privacy.
We all fear being dumped-rejection is tough one to handle. Life offers many, many hurdles in the road. All of us trip and fall, over and over again. So instead of waiting for the hammer to fall and moping about it, give her the benefit of the doubt and keep working hard at keeping the love and trust-the happinees alive and going, in this relationship. It's likely she won't do this- but IF the worst thing happens and she does dump you-it will hurt but you cannot do anything about it, dear. The trick will be-to get real good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt. One very important thing you must remember-when you are at the bottom and you feel you are worthless and will never ever trust again, it's nothing more than a simple human emotion know as self-doubt. We can overcome self-doubt very easily. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself, that you are unique, and you are going to make happiness your goal. You must risk all the falls to reach that goal. Let yourself believe that you are deserving of love and that it is a risk, a gamble. But what is life without a little risk? We have the power to overcome our negative self. When one gets dumped, life has definitely not ended. We just deal with it all. We have to because we chose to survive. Think of it as starting a new life. Newness is positive and healthy. Look at things differently, and embrace all that newness. Do not fear it. Being dumped is just another chapter in your book of life.
The bottom line? No one wants to get dumped, because it is not in our nature to know how to accept it. So rather than focusing on what she may or may not feeling-make some positive changes to your attitude. You can only work on yourself and just keep a positive happy attitude about this relationship and you may find out-she loves you very much-and all this emotional energy was a waste of time. Smile and have fun-use this energy towards making your life and her life happier! Hope this helped. Take care!
Hugs,
Irish
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A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (14 September 2005):
A good relationship stems from honesty and trust. If you plan to have a future with this girl then you should not snoop in her things. You need to talk to her and be honest and open about any doubts or bad feelings you have. You said she joined a couple of websites. What was wrong with that? Did you find any proof she had been talking to another man? or maybe she was just talking to some friends. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and if it is on your mind sit her down and talk to her about it.
You also said you two had plans to move into a house and she had just had surgery. It could be she just don't feel very sexual right now with everything that is going on.
Most women have to be put in the mood for sex. This means all tension off of them for at least a while. Maybe a back rub, or give her a bath. Something to help her relax and she should be more open to have sex with you. If she feels pushed it will make her want to pull back from sex.
Hope this helps.. Good Luck...
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