A
male
age
41-50,
*xniceguy75
writes:My girlfriend is 22 and occasionally works 3 hours away and stays with here best friend who is a male. He is a straight male with a straight male roommate. My girlfriend, before we even met, would sleep in his bed with him when she was there working. She still does this even though we are in a committed relationship and discussing marriage. I have met her best friend and really feel like nothing would happen between them. She has told me that they have never been romantic with each other and that it is strictly a platonic relationship. I am not jealous of the guy but I just do not feel that it is right for her to share his bed with him anymore. How do I talk to her about it without seeming insecure or jealous?
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best friend, insecure, jealous, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Its quite nice that in this day and age people can be close like brother and sister and not be sexual. However the question must be asked if he was her actual brother, would it still bother you? I imagine the answer would be yes.
I think you should put it to her that way and say, look I know you think of him like a brother and I wonder if it is comforting but it does bother me, how do you feel about stopping doing that as it is hard to imagine this continuing during our entire life together..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Just tell her that you trust her but you feel that the principle of the thing is wrong. It's a matter of showing you the respect that any committed relationship partner deserves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): I have known my best friend since i was born. He is a guy, and lives in another state. Our parents are best friends too, and whenever we visit I stay in his room, sometimes on his bed sometimes in a sleeping bag and vice versa. We've been doing this since we were babies, and I didn't realize that was weird until I read this post. He's like my brother, and even though sometimes there are rumors we like each other, its never escalated and doubt it ever will. You can ask your girlfriend to stop politely, but the truth is she probabl feels about it the same way.
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A
female
reader, eri_sunshine  +, writes (27 January 2012):
At least she is open to telling you about this d of trying to hide it. I think that you have every right to tell her to stop- I mean, is it really necessary for her to sleep in his bed when the couch would do just fine? It really isn't being fair to you or respecting your feelings, because I know that most people would be made uncomfortable by that even if they aren't a jealous person. Since you have every right to disapprove, I would say to just explain to her how you feel and ask her politely to stop, and that it makes you uncomfortable. Tell her that you trust her but you would rather that she stuck to only sleeping in your bed because it seems too intimate to even be in the same bed as another man. You have every right to this, and hopefully she will see the logic and agree with you.
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