A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, well I'm really into this guy, he's a friend of a friend and we've met a few times now an in those few times we've gotten on really well, we talk on Facebook all the time and I think he's flirting with me. I told him ages ago that I kinda fancied him and he said he was sorry but only saw me as a friend, he thinks I'm over it but I still really like him. I asked him if he liked anyone and he said that he didn't because he was trying to focus on school stuff and not girls. The other day he randomly told me about scars on his arms and how they got there, I told him that I understood how he felt and we then moved onto having a laugh, does that mean he trusts me? He then asked me not to tell anyone, my friends or his, does this mean they don't know? One of his friends who I talk to sometimes "warned" me that he gets depressed a lot so does telling me this mean anything, like more then the flirting does? Or is it just my hopeful imagination? If its not, how can I get him to like me more? I've only ever been in one relationship and that was pretty serious and I just hope I can get that again with this newer guy, he's so funny and nice I can't stop smiling whenever we speak and when I first saw hin(and every time I see him smile it still happens) I got butterflies!! Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 January 2012):
 H,
He most certainly does trust you and he feels that you are a good person who can respect his privacy.
No doubt he has been through an earlier tough time. And he has probably made good use of counselling has been taking into account the suggestions of his Doctors.
And he may also be trying really hard to catch up with missed school work (missed when he was ill with depression) - one of the reasons he wants to concentrate on his school work.
Now he is in a better place and he is concentrating on his school work. So he has a right to feel very proud of surviving all that and now able to trust someone enough to know that, in the past, things were not as good as they are now.
The one thing to really ruin his trust would be if hint or say anything in any way to anyone about the things he he shared with you.
He might also have thought it important to share it with you, in case you had reacted badly and rejected him as a result.
But you came through well.
That other inane Neanderthal guy though? Gee I would give him a wide berth and ignore him. How dare that moron suggest you ignore a person because at some point in the past that person was depressed? Give me strength. I thought attitudes like that belonged in the 1800s or earlier. Not in the 21st century.
Do not even share a whisper with inane Neanderthal man about your friend. For inane Neanderthal is not worthy of being called anyone's friend.
One thing I do know is this: one in every four people will, at some stage in their life, need to seek treatment for an illness emanating from that organ of our body that occupies the area above our eyebrows - namely our brain. Some things mild like a little sadness and sometimes something far more serious. And when it happens people need friends who have compassion, empathy, use considerate actions, re kind, caring and respectful.
And it sounds like he thinks you may just be one of those good people.
There is a spark there.
Be truthful to him. If you can be his friend then go ahead.
If you are freaked out about any possibility of the depression returning then read up on it and if you become even closer friends then he may give permission for his Doctor to explain to you how to best support him and how to read the signs if the depression is returning.
But it may never return.
Sometimes people become very depressed over a short term problem or issue in their life, and then never get the depression as bad ever again.
For other people it is a daily battle to stay on an even keep.
So I am not going to lie and say that it will be easy. If the depression returns then supporting him may seem and be tough at times.
If you do not want the friendship to go beyond friends then please be upfront about that from the start.
Also he may have been hurt before by a girl or even by nasty people like inane Neanderthal mentioned above. That would make it really hard for him to trust himself to relax anough to enjoy a friendship again.
Maybe he senses something really special about you.
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