A
male
age
51-59,
*izme
writes:I have been in a relationship for 3 yrs we both have children. We moved pretty fast, moved in w/each other after 4 months. Things were great at first, then I found out that she was still in touch with her ex's. Some of them were not bad, they broke it off and remained friends. Others could not let go and let her know they still wanted to be with her. This has given me some serious trust issues. For a couple of them in particular. She told me she wouldn't talk to them anymore especially since I pointed out that she lies to me about talking to them and they have expressed the desire to get back together. Well I now have custody of my kids and they live with us. Blended family style. This has added some stress in the household. She seems like she is always on edge and has stopped showing any affection. We rarely even hug. I spoke to her about it and she replied that she doesn't feel good, feels ugly and like a monster. I then found out that she still has a friendship with the ex that she said she would cut off. Not sure what to do. Our kids are attached now and I feel like she violated my trust. My friends say dump her. That is easier doing than saying since I care for her so much. She does have a past history of being physically and sexually abused so that makes for a very complicated personality type. We are so not on the same page any more and I feel like our relationship is lost. When I confronted her about her ex she said I was being stupid. I told her that either she gets closure with him and stops the contact or I leave. She said she had to think about it. That really stung! What should I do?
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male
reader, Dizme +, writes (3 November 2010):
Dizme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. I have tried re-assuring her and dong many many romantic things. From simple like doing all the house work and taking care of kids to flying her and her daughter to see her parents. We have had some quiet time to talk about it without arguing but she still feels I am wrong etc. I feel like I am getting mixed messages. With the decline in affection, to the ex thing. Really is hard cause her actions are not doing what her words say. I hope that makes sense.
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