A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Should I break up with my girlfriend? I have been dating her for about 9 months and we are in high school I am home-schooled she is goes to a normal high school. The past few months have been very rough between us, but we are both very stubborn and we want to be together. Although I just don't know anymore. It all started about 4 months ago when she and I had a major fight. It was about her texting me. She would start a conversation then I would reply immediately then it would take her 30 minutes to an hour to respond if she did at all. Needless to say this had been starting to happen more frequently. So I asked her to please stop texting me and just call me so that way I could have her full attention. She subsequently exploded, over text mind you, that I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I was able to put out the fire, but I didn't get what I wanted. Then for that entire next month I saw her maybe 3 maybe 4 times that month and we were not alone nor did she give me that much attention. Even over spring break I tried to see her and she still couldn't. All I wanted was to spend time with her alone and in person so I could have all of her attention. The next time we went on a date was prom. During prom I was really bored because she wasn't even paying attention to me which is the only reason I agreed to prom in the first place.For the entire next month I just did not see her. Every time I would set up a date something would happen that would cause her to not be able to come. I had a testing for my second degree black belt. I told her about it many times and how much I wanted her to be there and at the last minute is when she decided to ask her dad if she could go. I gave her three weeks in advance and reminded her about it. that is the most common cause. I wonder anymore if she even wants to see me because she always forgets that I plan things. We went on a Mission trip with our youth group and I had made friends with these girls who were nice and they invited me to come sit with them. they are all very nice. She got jealous because I had went to sit with them instead of her, but she hadn't made it clear that she wanted to sit with me nor was she around when they invited me to sit with them. As the week progressed I asked her on several occasions to spend time with me during free time and each time she didn't come. It was always, "oh I forgot I am sorry" That happened three times in the two days. Then we had this emotional night were everyone goes to this room and they are supposed to let out all their feelings and such. Well I had one person all to myself and I just balled my eyes out for a good hour. then we went to bed and I went to bed a little early because I was really tired and I had been through an emotional rollercoaster. When I woke up there were about 15 messages on my phone saying about how much of a cheater I was for being friends with those other girls and told me that I was a piece of crap and a ton of other things all in very very colorful language. It only hurt the more and more I read. She still wanted to be with me, but she wasn't going to take this. At this point I had no idea what I had done and I still don't know to be honest. So I replied that I didn't care that she called me all those things and that I loved her, but she only blew up more. I had even offered to severe all contact with the girls I had made friends with. I don't know how but we some how managed to make up although I still haven't really healed from that yet.Next month I maybe saw her once every 2-3 weeks maybe. and I had asked her to have a specific day off so she and I could celebrate me getting my second degree. I gave her two weeks in advance and again expressed how important it was to me, but still she "forgot" and ever since then I have been seeing her less and less. She doesn't even text me anymore. I have tried calling her many times, but she doesn't answer or return my calls 90% of the time. I love her to death and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I know that is stupid for high school, but nonetheless that is how I feel. I know once school starts up I will get to go on a date with her maybe once in the three months she has band. If that. She claims she loves me and is excited, but I don't know anymore. Now I ask you people of the internet what the heck should I do? I don't want to break up with her, but I would probably be healthier if I did. Sorry for the long post.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014): Bro no. For one you are home schooled what did you expect? However...You do not deserve that crap. Leave her. This "I forgot" excuses she pulls are immature. It's ridiculous that we males are always or to blame that we lack communication when we try and they never give us a chance. You deserve better. I've been there....trust me there are better woman who actually give it their all....keep in mind your ate in high school but if you ain't happy and she keeps dissing you you got to tell her enough is enough. You got to be a man and say whats on your chest. If she doesnt like it or doesnt understand she does NOT consider your feelings so just do yourself a favor a ditch her...see how she likes it. Best of luck bro
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 July 2014):
 She must have some endearing qualities at the beginning that made you date her. The texts couldn't have been the thing that caused fights. It has to be something else, her hormones, stress at school or family. You don't communicate well with each other and she seemed to be blaming her bad moods on you. You can only try to be a good boyfriend but you are not her therapist. It doesn't sound like she loves you, but it's possible that she is keeping you around because you love her. I also suspect that she keeps "forgetting" to make it looks like she cares less, and people who care less have more power in the relationship. It keeps you on your toes and makes you want to work harder to gain her love. She doesn't like it when you make suggestions. She behaves in a stand offish way but all hell breaks lose when you try to make your own friends. She wants to be the centre of attention. I understand you miss her old self and are wondering if this is her real self just surfacing. I think she is knocking your self esteem down as this is the only way for her to gain control. You may wonder if this is a phase she is going through. Don't we all grow up and act out of character at that age? I would say if a person is controlling at 16 then it gets worse when older. It will be healthier it you did break up. Not once did you mention how you two could resolve issues together. You did not stand up for yourself or told her that anger outbursts were unacceptable. Like last time when you were sitting with female friends and she accused you of cheating. Saying I love you wasn't enough. It wasn't until you severed the friendship that you were able to make up. She was angry over nothing and she learned from your weakness that to get her way, she has to be persistent and nasty.
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