A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm my boyfriends 3rd serious girlfriend. He had one relationship that lasted for 3 years, another that lasted 10 months, and us.There were a lot of obstacles in the way of our relationship to start with and we worked hard to be together (only things due to circumstances - he worked one end of the country, I the other and things along those lines). Anyway, he has told me many many times that he has never felt this way about anyone, that he didn't realise what love was until we got together, he never wanted marriage or a family but he asked several times if we can go ring shopping so he knows what id like when he pops the question and he's taken on my son like his own and wants us to have a child together also. I know he didn't treat either of his other 2 girlfriends that well, he cheated on both of them and from what I can gather, would deliberately instigate arguments so he could go out etc. I only know this as I'm very good friends with his sister and have been for many years. Anyway, he sends me messages every day, calls me wifey and constantly tells me how much he loves me, can't wait for us to start a family, how he's happier than he ever dreamed he could be, he knows I'm the one, he never imagined being this happy etc etc.He's treated me like an absolute queen in the 4 years we've been together , he really hasn't ever put a foot wrong and we've both been deliriously happy. Anyway, we've just recently moved house and while unpacking a few days ago I found an old SIM card. I put it in my phone to see what was on it and had a look at the messages and realised it was his. The messages that were on there were to his ex gf, the shorter term one who I know he treated like s**t and who he's always said he was never really bothered about, certainly didn't love her and basicallly doesn't even know why he got with her in the first place. However, reading the messages, they were almost word for word what he says to me! 'I didn't want to leave for work this morning, you looked so beautiful sleeping. I love you my wifey''I can't believe I've been lucky enough to find you! You're my everything, I can't imagine life without you, I'm the luckiest guy in the world' Etc etc.I'm so angry. I wouldn't care if he's been in love with someone else, we all have a past but why lie. Why say these women meant nothing to him when they clearly did? I feel like everything I thought was so special about our relationship now means nothing.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 July 2014):
 I have told more than one man I loved him, I have said all the usual lovey dovey things to each.
When I said them I meant them too.At the time.
If he's told you these 2 women meant nothing or similar it's to save your feelings, he's making you feel special. That's all.
Your his woman now and he loves you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2014): How would you feel if your BF found out that you do very much the same acts and moves in the bedroom with your previous guys? What if this made him upset and feeling like what you do with him means nothing since you have shared all that stuff with someone else already?
Same difference.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 July 2014):
 He could have thought she was the one, but the impact of the break up was bad and he didn't see her the same way anymore. To say she was nothing is either to trivialize the experience or to try to forget about the pain. When you love someone so much and then the relationship turns sour people get angry, have the tendency to call people names or to pretend the relationship didn't exist. Her sister, I don't know why, is not on her brother's side. We grow up, make mistakes. Why won't she give him a chance, but instead ruin his reputation knowing that you are going to marry him? You only hear one side of the story. Maybe his ex was a cheater as well. Does his sister happen to know every single girlfriend he makes?
Now I don't if his sister is just warning you, trying to be a good friend, or is she a man hater, had bad experiences herself also, or did she simply make up stories to break you up because she doesn't want her brother to get with anyone? Maybe when he cheated the relationship got so bad already that there was no hope of reconciliation, and that meeting someone new was just any time waiting to happen. Doesn't excuse the cheating. Cheating is bad whether it's a drunken mistake, or being a bad boy, getting back at someone, or feeling desperate for attention, not wanting to be lonely.
Don't listen to his boyfriend's words. Look at his actions. How well you are getting along. It's easy to paint any cheater, any type of cheating as evil but if you know yourself that your relationship is solid, then you only have to trust your instinct and not let any bad mouthing ruin the good that you have.
I don't care if she is your friend. I think that family members should stay out of their siblings relationships and mind their own business. Just like if your family member knows some weakness of yours then they are betraying you by telling your future husband about it.
As of now your boyfriend did nothing wrong. You should not tell him that you looked into the SIM card because that could instigate an argument that's unnecessary. He couldn't go back and not call her wifey, nor could he undo the cheating. He could only look forward and be a good man from now on. I am sure throughout these 4 years he did not treat you like shit. I would also rethink the friendship with his sister. It's not a good idea to dig for the truth about his past lovers either. It does not help your current relationship and all it does is just put some more images in your mind and trigger insecurity.
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