A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my girlfriend for close to 3 months now. We enjoy being with each other and have now started to be intimate with each other. However, lately I feel she's being a little too sexually agressive for my taste.The kissing, hugging and touching is turning into biting, smacking and pinching. At first it wasn't bad as it was rather light. But now it's just downright painful. Biting my lip, pinching me in sensitive areas with her nails and smacking me on my butt, usually in public, are just some of the things. This and the sexual advances she makes, especially when we're in public. She also tries to leave hickeys on my neck, which would be in extreme poor taste in my profession.Point blank, everything she does to get herself in the mood only puts me out of it. I am not into pain, at all. I really want to sit down and talk to her about this as it's now effecting our sex life and may potentially effect our relationship. I'm just looking for the right things to say, because I want this relationship to go somewhere, but don't want cuts and bruises to show for it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2009):
 I can't stand hikey's - it's just so eww. I agree with Emily that this subject might not be the best to sit and talk out,but let her know that it turn you off.
However this might only be the beginning of her trying to show you what she likes, so the two of you do need to find a middle ground where you bot get turned on and have fun and no one gets hurt.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 January 2009):
I'm not into the whole sitting down and having a discussion. I think it'll get a bit humiliating.
Why not just tell her when you don't like something? When she does something in public then just pull her to one side and tell her you REALLY don't like it when she does that.
When she does something painful to you during sex then say OW! and stop what you are doing. She'll get the message that she's gone too far a lot faster if the sex stops when she does it.
Tell her that some one at work came in with a hickey and it made everyone at work look down on them as it was so inappropriate. Tell her that if she's going to do it, do it in places that don't show. My husband has a similar rule as he's in the forces and will actually get charged if he came in with a bite mark on his neck.
I think trying to get her to change gradually is something you should consider. Confronting her and saying that "we are not sexually compatible" may not bode well for the long term.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): As part of that suggested discussion, ask her if she's doing to you what she'd really like you to do to her; she may relax with the too-aggressive actions if you start doing those things first.
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A
male
reader, MichaelS2 +, writes (5 January 2009):
 The best solution is to sit down and talk with her.Explain to her your worries and your issues with how she's behaving.
Ask her to tone it down to like it was before.You can also tell her you feel uncomfortable with Public Display Of Affection!Just reassure her you want to be with her and that you would like it if she toned it down a notch...or a few LOL
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