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Dating, Relationships and overprotective parents!

Tagged as: Family, Sex, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 14 March 2009)
A age 30-35, * writes:

heyy,

Im 15, an only child and my mum is over protective.

I have a 14yr old boyfriend who is trustful, treats me well and knows enough about sex.

My boyfriend wants sex with me,, i think im ready too, my mum wont let me have sex, she thinks im to young, not ready and all this..

My mum is being really annoying and nosy and i just wish she would but out and leave me to make my own dicissions + mistakes.

She says that the generation hasn't changed that people are having sex when there older then 16..but there not.

How can i make my mum understand that this over protectiveness has to stop, that it's breaking me apart, that i need to make my own mistakes??

Can someone please please please give me aome advice on how to let my mum know that this over protectiveness has to stop??

xxJess

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I need your help and fast!!!!

I told my boyfriends mum that i was his girlfriend on facebook. ( his parents didn't know me and i haven't met my boyfriend or his parents in reall ife yet but he's 15)

And well apparently me and him made a promise that i wouldn't tell them.

And well i have and he says it's over and everything.

he also said "how can i trust you"

How do I make him see that it was a really stupid mistake and that im really sorry, how can i get him to trust me again?

and give me a second chance?,, what can i say to get him to take me back??

how can i make him see that if we get back together, i will never break another promise that we make together?

I love this boy and need your help!!!!

I've learnt my lesson, it will never happen again.

As Soon As Possible Would Be Great,,All Advice Will Be Greatly Appreciated,, i need advice on getting him back!

Jess Marie..xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009):

Yeah,, but what do i do about my now current boyfriend,, you haven't answered my question with the "?"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Heeyy,,

Well i um had sex with the 14yr old...and he dumped me 2 day i got back from qld..=(

ohh and i found out i had an infection,, maybe im allgergic to the condoms,, idk...

Im recently dating a 15yr old on the net, but we're gonna meet soon and i love him!!!

but the thing is..he doesn't want his parents to know about us and he told me that he's not sure if he loves me atm,, why can this be??

xxJess

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah,, thanks all for the advice, i do appreciate it and will keep it in mind =]

xxJess

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009):

First off, if you part of your desire to have sex is based on a belief that everyone is having sex before the age of 16 - it's not true. I'm 24 and I know that seems ancient to you, but it's not a whole generation difference. I lost my virginity at the age of 23. I am not very religious, am reasonably attractive and have an active social life. I had boyfriends in junior high, high school and undergrad. I am glad that I waited, first of all because I am so much in love with the man I am dating that I can't imagine wanting to be or have been with anyone else, and while I thought I was in love before, there's just no comparison. Second of all, sex is complex - it can be wonderful, but a lot can go wrong - the things people always warn about, pregnancy and STD's as well as a range of very strong emotions from insecurities, feelings of possession and jealousy, embarrassment. Can he handle it if he ejaculates prematurely or can't get it up and can you make him feel okay and unjudged if he can't? Can you get through that without blaming yourself or feeling unattractive? Do you trust this guy enough to know he'll stop if something suddenly starts to hurt? Will he freak out if you get blood on something? Will you be embarrassed beyond recovery and the night ruined if you fart during an intimate moment? I'm not trying to be crass, but these little things happen too, and they can be hard to take in an emotionally vulnerable moment.

As for your Mom - she really does have your best interests at heart. You should be glad that you have a mother that you can talk to about these things at all. She will never want to let you go out and make your own mistakes, because she wants to save you pain, and maybe there's some merit in that. Parents are here to advise us - consider taking her advice.

I know you don't feel young and I know it's incredibly obnoxious being told that you're too young by everyone. I know it's obnoxious having your parents in your business too. But it'll pass and you should enjoy this phase of your life while you can.

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A female reader, Theusa Japan +, writes (5 January 2009):

Theusa agony auntMoms know best.

That's not being overprotective...

You ARE too young.

It's ILLEGAL.

Ur mom's right.

Be glad she's not mad that ur even thinking about having sex at that age...

*shivers* disgusting...

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (5 January 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntYour mom is trying to protect you because she loves you.

There is a difference between being overprotective and taking reasonable precautions to protect you from very real danger.

If your mom were protective to the point that she wouldn't allow you to ride a bike, or participate in sports, or some other reasonably safe activity, then I would say that she was overprotective.

Your mom is trying to protect you from the consequences of real danger.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you ARE too young to have sex. Your hormones are raging, but that does not mean that you are ready to deal with the consequences.

I'm 29 and I've never been sexually active. Some people would find it strange, but I haven't found the right person.

It's something that you save for the right time and place.

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A female reader, desperate girl Indonesia +, writes (5 January 2009):

desperate girl agony aunthoney, if u have an intercourse u might get pregnant. choose to if u want to be pregnant. if u want to have sex consider the consequences browse about it. still sure ask ur mom to take u to the doctor and he will advice u. but ur still young to have sex. good luck

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A male reader, MichaelS2 United States +, writes (5 January 2009):

MichaelS2 agony auntYour mother is just trying to look out for you!

There are a lot of people out there who haven't had sex and are over 16.I'm an 18 year old male virgin.I'm looking for the right girl.

Your mom probably thinks your boyfriend is trying to pressure you into something and that very well maybe the case!

If I were you I'd talk it out with my mom and explain why you want to have sex with your boyfriend.There are plenty of ways to pleasure each other without having sex.

Sex is a big responsibility and not something to be dealt with lightly. There are risks of diseases and pregnancy.

I'm not trying to scare you or anything but you might want to make sure your ready before you do it.

A good parent is naturally over protective and you can't make her not be.She cares about you and doesn't want to see you hurt.Not everyone has loving parents in the world so don't take her for granite!

But if you want to convince your mom your ready for sex than you have a long way ahead of you.In her eyes you will always be her little girl even when your 20.

Have a sex talk with your mother!YES A SEX TALK.Explain to her you know the risks and you know what needs to be done(Contraception and safe sex!)

If you can show your mom your mature and can look after yourself she will lighten up.

Personally I don't think you should be having sex until at least 16,and even than it shouldn't be done so freely. You really should care about the person your with for your first time because your never going to forget it.It's something that will stick with you for the rest of your life and you don't want to regret it!

If you think you love your boyfriend by all means go ahead.But you said YOU THINK your ready,Wait until YOU ARE ready.

I hope my advice helps!But you really need to sit down with your mother and talk it out.I honestly think you should wait a little longer myself,but I don't know you nor do I know the complete situation.Just be careful!

Explain to your mom what your upset over.Don't think she's being annoying because she wants to keep you safe.Because when you have a child when you grow up you will probably be the same way...

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A male reader, chrissa United Kingdom +, writes (5 January 2009):

your mum is right sweetheart maybe you should listen to your mum and then maybe one day you might not think so now, but maybe one day youll be thankin her lookin back and thinkin yeah mum was right shes older wiser seen the world trust me mum knows best.your not ready for sex yet

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